Binge attack!!!
I just wanna yell... It is so hard... Arrrgggghhh!!!
I just came back from the gym where I kicked my ass on the treadmill and I don't even feel better... Crap! I'm stressed... I didn't binge today but I overeated so I feel like shit... like that I've gained 10 pounds... I know that it is impossible... My brain is playing with me... I hate that...
I don't know what to write tonight. But I know for sure that if I stop writing that I'm going to visit the fridge which is obviously a very bad idea... So I'm just keep writing until it passed. I really want to make it through day 7. Tomorrow won't be day 1... I can't go back there... It's too hard!!!! Ok, here are the things that I've learned in the last 7 days.
1- I'm feeling more in control of myself as I can stop myself before the binge
2- I'm more confident as I believe that I can do this!
3- People told me that I look happier these days which is true... except when I got a binge attack but there is usually no people around when it happens.
4- I have more energy - physically and mentally
5- I have more time
6- I'm not bloathed anymore!
7- I'm learning to deal with my feelings without using food... Yeah, I have cried a lot these days and for no good reasons... Side effect of breaking an addiction I believe...
8- Food tastes better when I'm physically hungry!
9- I have saved soooo much money!
There are probably more but that's the ones that just crossed my mind. Ok, it's late and I'm tired so I'm just gonna go to bed... I know I'm crazy but it worked! I just saved myself a binge tonight.
Stay strong! Good night:)
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i hope u slept well :) good on you for making the choice to log on & blog rather than binge. just wanted to let ya know i'm proud of you, & that someone out here is listening :)
it sounds like it was a tough evening for you, but the more tough times you can make it thru, the easier it's going to get for you - and you should keep those 9 reasons handy cos they're awesome & very compelling reasons NOT to binge.
the more difficult days you can make it thru, the more easy days you'll have, stay strong & keep fighting.
xx
~ breathe in now ~
Thanks a lot! It's very encouraging. I had a tough day again today. But so far, I made it through. I hope you're right that the more difficult days I make it thru, the easier it's gonna be... Because I'm mentally exhausted of fighting. Don't know how long I can keep up that way... Thanks again for your support! I will keep that in mind... it's gonna get easier :)
I loved reading your list of positive things.
I was doing super good too just last week. But then #7 happened to me on Friday and Monday and Tuesday :(
But you know what, I knew it had to do with my emotions. I had really yough moments with my mom and she is the main reason why I fell into this spiral. I cried a lot, but it didnt seem to relieve the pressure like a b/p would... So I caved and I did not enjoy one bit.
So now reading your list, I have to work on #7, cause this is where I am having trouble. I can't seem to handle feeling emotions very well right now... But I guess that's normal after years of bottling it up and putting it in the toilet :S
You're doing very good! I look forward to being at day 7 soon. I did day 5 last week and that was my longest in 6 years! Hopefully day 7 is around the corner.
XOXO
Gossip Girl
Thanks for your comment! I believe that most of us are bulimics because we don't know and/or we don't want to deal with our emotions. So it is definitely something to work on... I have cried pretty much every day this week because I'm mentally exhausted of fighting. I want my mind to give me a break... I know that if I b/p, I'm gonna get that fix... But no, that's not the way to go... We have to face our little demons... It sucks I know but that's what we need to do to recover...
Did you mom know that you're bulimic? My mom knows and there are some subjects that we don't discuss together anymore because I told her that it triggers me to binge. Of course, she wants me to recover so she doesn't bring up those subjects. Maybe something to try? Stay strong!
how's exercising working out? I used to be a gym junkie... worked out maybe 3 times inthe past 6 months.... afraid it will be an obsession and part lazy cuz of gym burnout for years of gym obsession.... does it help with the urges?
If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself. -- Barbara DeAngelis
I'd say that 90% of the time it helps me with the urges. When I run and the endorphins kicks in, I got the same stress relief as a binge... AND, without the guilt! How cool is that! But you're right, the gym can become an obsession. I go to the gym 6 days/week and run aroung 60-70 km/week. I can do more than that so I don't think I overtrain myself...
On no b/p!! I am on Day 14 & I totally can relate to what you say. I have sooooo much more time & $$..I cannot believe the money & time I use to waste on the abusive cycle! I feel so proud of myself & I believe in all of us. I do go to the gym 6 days a week - but I LOVE it!
Hugs & Help xoxoxo
Hey, day 14... This is amazing!!! Congrats!!! I don't even know If I can reach that number. Yeah, like you I can't believe how much money I saved just this week... I used to go to the grocery everyday and sometimes twice... And now it's Wednesday and my last visit at the grocery store was Sunday. Wow! It's unbelievable! And, yes I have so much more time... I'm painting instead of binging. I love it! :)
Hey, stay strong! You can do this! :)
You are so sweet & I am thankful for this site! You are encouringing to me & you can most definitely reach Day 14 one day at a time : ) I believe in all of us. I really think that the desire to b/p subsides with each day when we focus on other things. We both know we have challenging times throughout the day sometimes - but it is not all the time & we can focus on that! I had told myself for the longest time to add up the $$ I spent on food, but never did. Finally, last week - I printed my bank statement & I highlighted every food puchase I had made & it was an embarrassing amount..I still cannot believe all the $$ that went to waste. I have had this disease for 13 years & every day of not b/p feels TONS better than any b/p I ever had.
Paint Away & stay strong too!! : )
Hugs & Help xoxoxo