Bulimia Help

its been a strange week

I feel really unstressed.
this is strange, for it is finals.
and everything is changing and getting hectic.
but so unstressed am I.
I read alot.
and eat alot
and I am not stopping.
Its not a hectic desperate binge, but a consistent intake of foods I generally never allow myself to go near.

I need to stop, lest I gain weight....and actually freak out.

How do i refind the motivation when it seems so far. I've been doing relatively well and would hate to have a serious relapse. its xmas time, which is usually when the relapse occurs. How do you get back on track.

I just feel so relaxed and indulgent....

i could really use help its been almost a week and I can feel the freak out beginning.

so.
Having jus finished a binge on the foods i seem to binge on every day, i have come to you for advice. What do you do when you are not in complete control of your environment? I moved back with my parents this year, and its so hard, cause they keep a ready supply of all my favorite binge foods. Things I would never keep around, like cereal and peanut butter...these seem to be problem foods for all of us.

I know they will not stop buying them. My father is very old, and doesn't know about my ed. When I have casually asked him to not buy something but he goes on and on and freaks out a little blahblahblah. alot My binge foods are his favorite foods. my mom has her own ED and only perpetuates the negative behavior. so...what to do!!!!?????

What do you guys do? I'm sure lots of you have roommates, family, and significant others, never mind coworkers who make it very hard for you to keep your control so what to do beside indulge and then come here to avoid purging

tricks to hide food, convince family....give me whatever you got. I try to make rules, i make notes , I tell myself its not my food...but its no use! I want it!!!!!!

this blog is supposed to help everybody. But i don't know as it will...I am feeling so scared. closed in world feeling

It starts so small. french fries with lunch. I never ever eat fries. i didn't binge or anything, just some fries. but of course i get a stomache ache, cause everything but bread and veggies and fruit gives me a stomach ache. so stupid. so i go for a walk, to beat that bad stuff up. I feel good. I am in control. I'm okay.

Then I start to freak out. I ask my mom(stupidly, this alwayss screws me up)...am I fat? have i gained weight? "yes she replies, i noticed it this morning, you gained weight."
is it my stomach? and what about yesterday...was i fat yesterday..."no".(well gee, how much weight could i have gained in one day? as we all know...it doesn't matter its all in your head anyway)

why can't you say, "i think your just bloated dear, you've been looking really good, but today....just today..."
you know i have an ED and instead of supporting me when i ask idiotic questions you do that!?I know its deathly to even ask...but i need your help. I need your support. That woman has more power over me then anything...one word from her i freak out, question everything i'm doing, and start the cycle over, in and out excess and the punishment of it. I can't make decisions and i purge all that I hate out. thanks mom. I inherited this stupid ED from you, the least you can do is, oh i don't know. well here goes. panic attack and world closing in feeling. will not purge. will not freak out...how could I have gained?arghhhh. will play guitar.
how come some people can get to you so hard
I know its common for daughters to inherit their mom's ED, living with her is sooooo not helping my recovery. SHe's the kind of mom who buys us several different kinds of diet pills to try. and doesn't think its totally unhealthy.