Bulimia Help

Yesterday my bestie told me he doesn't wear necklaces (for mens of course - don't think he'd be caught dead wearing a floral necklace walking about town) because he has a donut neck. That sounded absolutely ludicrous because all I see is this beautiful person. We invest so much time, paying attention to every detail on our appearances, we lose sight of what matter's most - what's on the inside.....our hearts.

I hope everyone of us here will not be blind sighted by our weight. People definitely see us beyond that. Take care everyone. Have a great day!

I over ate....I over ate....I over ate...THE WHOLE DAY...

My stomach feels so amazingly uncomfortable like I'm about to burst. I don't wanna purge, but this feeling...omg....the feeling of my stomach expanding.....it's making me sad. I can't believe I'm tolerating it. Accepting it even. It's like going on a death sentence and there's nothing I can do about it. Purging is not an option. I don't want to see it as an option.

I want to learn to be responsible and be accountable for what I eat. Not viewing purging as a safety net. It's just an excuse - a get out of jail free card which isn't even free at all in the long run. But right now.....argh....my mind....I walked up and down the stairs so many times contemplating.

I've already put on weight. Returning to my old ways is just going to make things worse right? I'd spoil everything I've worked so hard for right? Oh gosh.....but my stomach....it's practically yelling out to me to purge and my mind...is siding with it. I'm gonna go crazy!!! Maybe I'll forever remember this moment and the next time I decide to eat uncontrollably I'd just ask myself if I'd want to feel the way I do right now. Good lesson right? There has to be a good thing to learn outta feeling like shit right now. I refuse to accept there isn't any. But why do I feel so unconvinced?

My arms - the extra fats hanging on to it...like extra appendages. The way my inner thighs touch when my feet aren't even next to each other. They way I can't fit into my regular jeans and even my so called 'fat' jeans. They're tight. I hate tight clothing. I don't want to have a melt down in the changing room of a store.

Sigh....I feel like a cranky hibernating bear that can't find peace. Sucks being me right now.

This is my first blog entry. I've never blogged before. Feeling rather apprehensive right now, but I wanted to share some thoughts on food that could possibly help someone because it helped me alot.

Before I eat, or put the first thing into my mouth, I'd tell myself, I should savor the food. Take the time to taste it. It helps when I try to make out what went into cooking it. I'm not sure how that's applicable for junk food (those that come in packets - not sure if I'm allowed to mention any). But it helps with my regular meals. I tend to eat slower and appreciate the food more. I found that I was able to stop when I feel I've had enough, preventing a binge session.

Also, I try not to eat till I'm full. I just stop when I'm not feeling hungry because the "full" feeling makes me feel guilty and I start the b/p cycle. I tell myself: "don't worry, the food will still be there tomorrow, it's not going anywhere, it's not going to runaway, I could still eat it tomorrow. Right now, I don't need it." Telling myself that slowly and reasoning it out for a couple of times helps.

I also try to have my meals with people around and go for leisure walks (not the exercising type) after a meal to help with digestion.

So...I hope this is helpful to whoever that's reading this. It helped me, hopefully it would be useful to someone else. Meanwhile, keep fighting and stay strong people!