Bulimia Help

One of the biggest problems I have is that I have no local support. Anybody want to move to New Mexico- and get better with me? You can live here for free- seriously! lol I live in a nice three bedroom condo- by myself- and its isolating. My parents let me live here for free since I am in school. You can live here for free too! And the thing is- I am such a cool person when I have someone to share my coolness with- but when I am by myself- I'm a loser.

Before I moved into this condo- I had the COOLEST roommate- and my bulimia was pretty much non- existent. She had cancer as a child- so was very health conscious like me- except- not to the point where it was an obsession. I told her one day that I fear eating cookies- and she told me that cookies were good for you. She reminded me that it had protein from the egg, calcium from the milk, and energy from the flour. I remember expressing that I was upset about putting some weight on in the winter time- and she reminded me that it is normal- and that most people do- and loose it in the summer time when we are most active. She was such a holistic friend. I miss this. I miss the healthy attitude and thinking I had when I lived with her.

We would go to the dance studio and have so much fun improvising to our made up cd's. We would garden together- cook nourishing meals, drink hot tea ALL the time and talk about life and ideas. We would go to pilates and yoga classes all the time. It was SO WONDERFUL to have a down to earth friend like that- because deep down- I am down to earth too.

I wasn't always superficial- and I honestly don't think I am- but I have resorted to shopping and being obsessed about "fixing" my body, because it is my only outlet. ANd I also think Shane's critisism of my hippe clothes didn't help.

When someone points out that a feature about me is undesirable- I only want to change it more. I suppose this is how my whole eating disorder started. When I was in first grade- a boy told me that if i lost some weight- I would be pretty. I was flattered beyond belief- because I thought that I did have hope to be pretty- the only thing I ever wanted.

I have gotten to the point where I am writing adds on Craig's list to make friends. It is embarrassing, but I am desperate. All my classes are online, and i dont know how to meet people.

I want so badly to have a cool female to hang around with. Woman can be so empowering- and I NEED that right now. I need someone to go to the bookstore with and look up a crushes astrological birthday meaning. Someone to watch cheesy chick flicks with and go for bike rides and long walks. Or even a guy- i dont care- i just need some good company- becuase I have the optimism in me- it just isn't lit, because I am too lonely.