Bulimia Help

“What has your body done for you lately?

Perhaps your body has:

· Fought off an infection

· Taken you to the top of a hill

· Stayed awake so you could drive home safely

· Learned a new physical skill

· Rewarded you with the sight of a sunset

· Healed a bruise

· Given you a new sensual sensation

· Gotten stronger

· Kept working despite being in pain

· Expressed a strong emotion through your face or body language

· Created another human being

· Defended you from an attack, or healed from an attack

· Grown into its current form from two cells: a sperm and an egg

· Given you sexual pleasure

· Let you know through pain that something needs your attention

· Released you from pain

· Given you the sound of children laughing

· Rejuvenated during sleep

· Allowed you to feel the exquisite touch of another person”

This is me :) And i have a few things to say this evening. This is a form of self-therapy; I find healing in writing. If my ramblings somehow help someone else, well I’m even happier I did this.

Bulimia isn’t just an eating disorder… It’s also an emotional disorder. It’s about getting rid of the negative feelings that do their best to tear us down, primarily guilt, insecurity and shame…

Food, having always been used as a symbol of something positive in my life, never failed to provide me with that “instant gratification” in times of stress — you know, those moments when we experience fear, insecurity, guilt or shame. For me, it’s usually after an interview or conversation where I don’t feel good enough or pretty enough to get the job. Or before a test or after a test. After or before a date. Or after a fight with your boyfriend or just sitting at home waiting on them to be considerate enough inform you if you will be doing something together or not. It is the fear of the unknown. It is the waiting and the wanting and the confusion and the control. Then I comfort the ill feelings by eating. After all, who’s got time to worry when your devouring fast food and ice cream and anything else you can find?

DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE FROM OUR EATING DISORDERS

When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for a man or woman to dissolve the bonds which have connected them to Ed, and to assume, among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of humankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all mankind are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. That whenever Ed becomes destructive of these ends, it is right to abolish Ed and to institute Recovery, laying its foundation on such principles and in such form as shall seem the most likely to effect safety and happiness. When a long train of abuses, pursuing invariably the same person evinces a design to reduce that person under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off Ed, and to provide recovery for their future security.

The history of Ed is a history of repeated absolute Tyranny over this man or woman. To prove this, let facts be submitted.

-Ed has refused for a long time to allow the individual to find happiness

-Ed has erected a multitude of binges and purges

-Ed has ravaged the individual’s life and harmed the lives of the people close to them

-Ed has joined with Perfectionism to subject the individual to acts foregoing to his or her constitution

-Ed has cut off all emotions

-Ed has suspended the individual’s own mind and declared himself invested with the power to legislate the the individual’s world

-Ed has deprived the individual of food

-Ed has taken away the individual’s feelings, abolished his or her most valuable morals, and altered fundamentally his or her values.

Over the past year, I am definitely becoming more like a coffee bean. The more lessons I Iearn, like the one over the past week and a half, I am for sure I am on my way to becoming a coffee bean. However, a few years ago I was soooo a carrot! I feel sorry for those people that are an egg. Life is too short to be an egg. Although learning your lessons makes you more aware of situations around you and prepares you for how to approach them the next time, you should still never become an egg. No one will wait around and wait for you to soften back up and your outer shell will break all around you as you strive to keep from letting people in.

I received the following in an email:

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee…You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ’ Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg

"Your flaws are beautiful. They’re what make you stand out. Don’t try to be normal, perfect, striving to be something or someone that you will never accomplish. Be annoying, be quirky, be different. In truth, it takes a hell of a lot more strength to resist, than to go along with the flow. Stray from the path. What anyone else thinks doesn’t matter. Let them be boring, let them be the same, as unnoticeable as the people around them. Wear flowers in your hair, mismatching socks, and thousands of multi-colored bracelets. Press all those damn buttons in the elevator, and piss off everyone around you. Have fun now, because there’s always plenty of time to be boring in the future."

What a lovely thing it is, when our inner demons lay asleep for a few days.

The sun seems so much brighter; I can feel its energizing rays.

My thoughts are filled with love for myself; I can resist the evil voices.

I treat my body with respect; I am able to make my own healthy choices.

I can look in the mirror and like what I see.

I can find the good in my life amid the ashes and debris.

I can see black and white thinking as a distortion; I need to find the gray.

If I strive for an unrealistic goal, my demons will lead me astray.

What a lovely thing it is, when our inner demons are not present.

Winter days feel so much warmer; a spring breeze feels much more pleasant.

My thoughts are filled with hope; I can envision my dreams.

I can truly enjoy the sunrise and watch the dew collect on the flower peteis as it gleams.

I can go for a run, merely to move my body and feel the rush of air across my face.

Instead of working myself too hard in an attempt to be perfect, I can move at my own pace.

I am able to realize we are not defined by our appearance, but by our thoughts and actions.

The obsession with control and perfection are our demons’ exactions.

What a lovely thing it is, when our inner demon’s cannot be found.

If only, these moments lasted longer than days; how I wish I could be forever unbound.

Okay, so i know what most of you are going to say or what most of you think you should say due to the simple nature of the title of this book, but i wanted to get some opinions on this book. I bought it last night cause ive always wanted to read it and i found it at a half price book store. If you have not read it, please look it up before you comment bc its not a pro skinny book, per say, but deals more with how to eat healty and wholey in order to feel your best. I guess the downside of it is that it does label foods as bad but sometimes it pisses me off when therapists or other people say 'no food is bad in moderation'. I mean, i get that i wont gain 20 lbs from a mcdonalds hamburger but consider the meat they use there to the meat i could use in a home made turkey or veggie burger with tons of amazing fresh cooked vegetables and a 100% wheat bun. See the point kind of? hamburgers aren't bad but eating the sh*t at fast food restaraunts is. make sense? i guess i am wondering if anyone has read this or has an opinion on whether or not you think it is or will be 'triggering' for me. I really want to get healthy here. I am tired of feeling sore or tired or groggy or out of it and most of it is due to the food i put in and purge out of my body. This book teaches what is in the foods we eat, how eating sugar causes a certain chemical reacton in your body and fat cells build up around your organs to protect them from this chemical and how to eat, and LOVE the food you eat to become as healthy and natural as you can, so that you can feel amazing and love yourself.

so, thoughts?

Since the first year I started having an ED, I have craved candy, sugar, sour, gummy, chewey, suckers...candy!!! I don't eat chocolate, just anything that any of the words above will describe. My mother is a dental hygentist and on top of the purging being bad for my teeth, the candy is not helping either. Also, the candy adds to the intense fluctuations that my blood sugar goes through and causes me to gain weight. It was once explained to me that if a person starves all day long and eats nothing but candy (as i used to to a lot in college due to the fact i was in school for engineering and was on campus all day almost every day) then thier blood sugar is spiked on top of their body being in starvation mode when they get home from school. So when I'd get home, and begin my binge, my body would cling to everything i was putting into it bc of the two factors previously explained. This caused weight gain. The last year or two of college i quit starving myself and started to eat at normal meal times but the candy and b/p cycles remained the same. the weight fluctuations calmed down but over time i began to gain weight. i know that the candy addiction adds to the weight i have gained and keeps me from losing the excess weight that i can lose and still be healthy. but it seems as if i can not stop! I constantly crave candy. i make extra stops at gas stations just to get my 4 laffy taffys, 2 tootsie rolls, 4 tootsie suckers and 4 soft and chewy now and laters. sugar like that is so bad for you and that is the only way that i eat those kind of empty calories. i dont drink soda or other sugary things. i cant seem to stop craving candy! it mirrors an alcohol or smoking addiction. has anyone else has this problem? i know it is due to the way i have restricted carbohydrates from my diet but even if i eat more healthy carbs (rice and bread) i still want my sour jacks and gummy bears! has anyone over come this?

Learn to value yourself, which means: fight for your happiness.

You CANNOT beat ED until you do this ONE thing! It took me a year to do this for myself. I am so much happier now. Your ED will never go away until you FIGHT and put yourself and YOUR happiness first, even if it means being selfish at times. If another person doesn't understand, then you do not need them in your life.

Message a/b bulimia:

She binged in secret. She felt out of control.

She vomited after bingeing.She felt shame and guilt.

Her fingers were bruised.She had low self esteem.

Her face was swollen.She obsessed over her body image.

Her tooth enamel weakened.She was in denial.

Her electrolytes were unbalanced.She was depressed.

She abused laxatives.She almost died.

My thoughts on the above:
Bulimia is so scary, yet that doesn’t stop me when I am in the moment. With anorexia, you can physically see a person deteriorate right in front of you. But with bulimia, the person is dying on the inside. Besides the puffy face and bloated belly, bulimics slowly kill themsleves internally, one organ at a time. We deny every feeling that is a warning sign until it is too late…until we are taken by the silent killer. Rotting teeth, beating heart, yellow bile, burning throat, intolerable bowel system, shaky legs, swollen legs, dehydration, abnormal potasium level and kidney functions...I could keep going. I in no way, shape, or form, want to die. I want to live.