Bulimia Help

I'm so sorry to hear that. The day after I have been drinking heavily I always eat out of control. And I absolutely hated going to work the day after ( I waited tables too). The day before I go on vacation I always eat out of control and end up binging for some reason. I am always so bloated and feel gross before I go. But whenever I am on vacation I don't have the chance to b/p so it's almost like a like recovery treatment, I guess you could think of it that way if it helps.

.

sorry to hear that bean, there are good and bad days, but if you feel bad, thats a good sign! its better than being passive to the whole thing and just letting it go on. i try writing down how crappy i feel after ive binged and purged, or binged and not been able to purge, and when i want to binge again i tell myself that i can if i read through what ive written aobut how crappy i feel before i start. otherwise i wouldnt read it and i would just binge, so i give myself the option of still being able to binge after, but normally once ive finished reading, i dont want to binge anymore, it helps change my mindset, maybe its something worth trying?
i know it still feels crappy though, i have gained sooo much weight to bulimia, but we can get through
xx bel

Thanks for responding! The journaling really helps I agree - I'm definitely going to take your advice and try to read this post when I get the urge to binge again. And I like the idea of looking at my bad feelings as a good sign... that's a really good way to look at it.

And Gina, I completely agree with you on vacation being like recovery. The last time I went on a 5 day vacation with a really good guy friend and being with someone who had such normal eating habits kind of rubbed off on me in a good way and it carried over into the next week or so after the vacation ended, I even started losing weight. But then I had one b/p and it brought me back into the cycle. Hopefully this vacation will help me get back to eating normally and the success will last even longer.

Anyway, thanks for responding and I hope you are all doing well today!!

Bean... there is hope. Try reading my blog called A major step... and some encouragement! What you are going through right now is part of recovery. I remember a straight year and a half (not to scare you) of BAD binging and purging because I couldn't get away from trying to CONTROL my eating. But, learning to let go is part of recovery too... and it takes a LOT of time. But to give you some hope... I've been working with the idea that "i have complete freedom from food"...and "my body balances it's self out" and it's been really helping. There are no urges to binge or over eat, but when I do.. it's okay because it happens to EVERYONE and if you just continue with recovery and eating, then it won't cause more problems. Just please don't give up, and don't hate your body. In times like this, I know it's hard, but try to LOVE your body more than ever. The more I'm beginning to love my "new curves" and weight gain the less I feel the urge to diet, restrict, or binge/purge. Don't give up, we have all been where you are (I DEFINEATLY HAVE!) and I'm telling you there is DEFINATE hope! Remember what you said on my wall about all your ah-ha moments.. because those are right!

"one of my ah-ha moments was that I realized one of the major things that's holding me back from recovery is that I'm still focusing on losing weight instead of recovering - and I think that my extra pounds will easily melt off as I recover so I should just focus on being healthy. another ah-ha moment I had was that I'll only recover as soon as I make it my #1 priority without feeling guilty about it!"

Those were your AH-HA moments! And it's not just about "being healthy" just try and focus on LISTENING TO YOUR BODY and giving TOTAL freedom. Being healthy doesn't mean ALL health foods. It's a VARIETY! Pizza, to an apple, to chicken breasts, to cookies, to broccoli. Ya know!? Just try to give TOTAL freedom, as long as you promise to listen to your hunger and full signals. It will still take some work and practice, but the more I do this, the LESS I over eat, feel guilty, and obsess about food! Good luck!

thanks for the response, Emma. You're right about my "ah-ha" moment... It's strange how for a number of days I can feel so on track and clear and then something shifts and I'm back to the self-defeating thinking again in a snap! I'm doing much better now and you are completely totally right about the TOTAL freedom. I'm still thinking "bad foods vs good foods" and "weight loss" instead of variety, loving my body. In fact, about an hour ago I had a s'more (I love s'mores lol) and thought "Oh God what a screw up I am I was eating such great things for days and now I have to go and have a freakin' s'more" and then I stopped and walked away and convinced myself that I love s'mores and I deserve to have a silly s'more every once in a while. And it stopped the binge before it started just like that. Normally I would have thought how much of a failure I was and had like 3 more s'mores and then a host of different foods I don't even really care for all in the name of having "ruined the day".