The wrong choice
This morning I had a relapse. I'd been 7 days, but I woke up this morning and I WANTED to binge. I made the choice that I was going to. It wasn't even one of those 'oh my god, i've got to binge right now' crazy urges. It was a 'I miss it, I'm going to binge today' choice.
So I went to tesco and bought lots of food on my credit card (a bad idea) and have spent the day bingeing. And I feel like shit.
Still, on the positive side, I did manage 22 binge free days this september which isn't too bad. And I'm going to write down on here just how CRAP I feel right now. And how fat and dirty and disgusting, so that I never forget
(how ironic is it that on the tv right now they're advertising 'you could be flushing your money down the drain', prevent damage- buy calgon and reduce limescale...)
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Calm down, take a deep breath---I'm really glad that you let everyone know and that's a huge step. Accountability can help you stop and you are so right to let out of our feelings...especially to acknowledge the "I WANT TO DO THIS " feeling...that is so real...and so unbelievably strong. It is think of it as being magnetic and like really large wave that no matter how firm you think your feet are in the sand, can still knock you over. But I think the longer intervals you can put in between binges and the more that you can hold on to the feeling of "I FEEL LIKE CRAP" right now, the firmer your feet will be for the next time. 22 binge free days is amazing. Hold on to the good and leave the bad behind...use the "bad" or not so good days as tools to help you get 23 binge free days next month. Tomorrow will be a very hard day, so set yourself up well (at least for me, the post b/p days are really tough). IF you want to check i, I'd love it. Keep your head up, laugh at something and move forward.
And I want to add, that choice is hard...but we do have a choice in this...saying that it is a disease takes some of the pressure off of us to be accountable...so I think seeing that you had a choice and learning how you can choose differently is very wise. Best to you..xoxoxo
sometimes you need those binges to realise how wonderful you feel when you dont b/p. i know it sucks but those b/p eposodes will slowly disintegrate.
i had been going a while without wild b/p sessions just having little ones, not food i would normaly chose to binge on. so i went shopping for the perfect food, just letting go, loving it. i missed it so i went crazy with it and it was deliciouse while it lasted. it was a good thing i went back to a full on binge because i realised how much better life was without it.
at least your aware that you would rather not do it.thing is these things happen, and you move on so fuck it, you had a wild one... 22 days free is friking marvelous. so if anything you should be proud because you havnt gone back to day one and starting all over again you just had a little reminder of how crap it makes you feel. so even though you did binge you noticed how you felt. keep up the good work your doing really well. take care and feel better if you can.
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Start to see yourself as a soul with a body rather than a body with a soul.