Bulimia Help

I feel like I eat too much still, like I know I do, because I ate more than my mom who weighs a lot more than me while we were out together like a few times. I feel like im still not eating the right things. I cannot be happy like this. I cannot be happy just accepting my overly accepting behavior, because I shouldnt have to be a pig to be recovered. We still want to be healthy. Ive never been underweight, but ive weighed a lot less than I do now. I think im ranting at this point but I am not happy in this recovery. I need to watch what I eat. So whats the difference? Where do I draw the line at recovery and hurting myself more? Cuz now, I still eat a gross amount of food, even while in control...and then I dont vomit because im "recovering" but im going to get huge and UNHEALTHY (defeating the point) if I dont put the reigns on. I guess im having a hard time thinking about "dieting" mindset and still trying to recover. I need to watch what I eat, and feel a little guilt...or else I just eat what I want in excess quantities and gain which hurts me emotionally! omg please help someone. How do u think about recovery while still feeling/eating healthy without depriving? Omg....

Everywhere I look on here, I see such beautiful people. Mostly girls, women really. We are all so beautiful, I really mean it. I couldnt imagine, I cant fathom such beautiful women suffering from bulimia! Guys, take a better look in the mirror! Ive been around Myspace and sites of the like and ive never seen more attractive women than I do on here! Guys look in the mirror!!!! You Are Beautiful!

and I cannot quit it until I find a new one. I have a new job that starts mid september and ends in november but I will still be working at...ya ready for this? McDonald's!!! Okay, so im a vegetarian and I believe that McDonald's and the scum it feeds people is so wrong, and causes obesity and yada yada yada. I went to college to become a nutritionist (yeah good joke right? Bulimic nutritionist? Why is that..its like psychos becoming psychiatrists..theres got a to be a certain draw to it)...idk anyways, Im stuck there until I find a more permanent less trigger happy area to work. I binge almost every night im there. I think its because I hate it, the managers dont care, and theres food everywhere. Today, I decided to eat a little something there because I was hungry. I took half a honey wheat bun, put some cheese and a tomato on it, and had some fries with it. Okay, not the best thing to eat but I did so slowly, with meaning, and was full afterwards. An hour and a half or so later, id been chewing gum and distracted from eating..but then SOMETHING happened. I spit out the gum ate fries, ketchup, the manager went outside, so I made a sundae, a cinnamon melt, a tortilla with chipotle sauce cheese and lettuce, and just went to town. After that, I got out of work, purged, talked with a friend I hadnt seen in awhile, Nate, ate a sundae, kept it in because it took off the edge of the burning in my guts. I wish the managers kept a better eye on us, everyone eats and makes it look okay and sometimes theres literally NOTHING to do and I dont like the people there enough to just talk to them...i dont know what it is about that place but 95% of my bingeing happens there, otherwise im the epitomy of control. Does anyone have any ideas for a solution or why I do this?