Bulimia Help

Hi everyone : )
I am on Day 25 & to even say that I had to sit & look at a calendar - I totally forgot! I have had some real triggers since Friday though - I have 2 cats - both almost 9 & I have had them since they were born - one of them was diagnosed with feline diabetes on Friday. I was a mental mess, gave up on life, me & everything else - these 2 girls are my world. Anyway, after modifing her diet & testing her blood glucose at home...she is doing a lot better! I am so greatful & thankful..because this alone has cost me $600 bucks & if I were b/p I couldnt have spent that or taken the time to figure all this out. Much love to all of us........

I have a question & am wondering if anybody else has had this happen. I am on Day 22 today - it is literally amazing & only by the grace of a higher power & this community of beautiful people. Anyway, I am wondering about if I get sick or have a hangover sometime & I have to vomit - meaning my body is having a physical reaction - I am not forcing myself to vomit - when that happens in the future - will that trigger me? I know there is not an absolute answer - because each individual is different...but just started to wonder...

Hi friendly folks : )
I am on Day 19 & today was probably the most challenging. I have known & admitted that one of the main reasons I b/p is because I crave really good bad foods......today I was hungry & had cravings for the buffet of badness : ( Good news is.. I did not give in...but I do find it difficult to know that I will never be able to indulge like I once did..I know...I know.. "in moderation...in moderation" BUT on Day 19 I cannot handle "moderation"........still doing good & will wake up on Day 20. Love you all.....just had to get these thoughts out of my head!
P.S. I wish I was strong enough to quit/get right on my own...I only did it for a $$ reason. I had $2800.00 dental work done (not from b/p) & I swore the day I got it done that I would not fuck it up with b/p. So here I am ...sober from b/p because of dental work...it got me here..but I feel like a failure for not having the discipline on my own...

P.S.S For those of you trying to get thru the 1st few days..it really does get easier...the cravings get less...today was just one bad day...in a few weeks of many good days.

On Day 12..a lot of trigger moments..monthly cycle, Thanksgiving, family in town.. 2 Restaurants for family dinner...normally I would have binged & then stopped by every fast food restaurant in sight to pig out when I got home...to purge & feel "good"......amazingly...I am still jacked up...drank some wine & HEAVILY restricted...really not eating at all...making various excuses to them...but came home & ate a bannana & yogurt....drank some wine too...it is not much..but atleast I did not purge & I can wake up.......on Day 13. I am such a mixed up mess.......but I love all of you who can relate......

Does anyone else feel guilty for eating Healthy Foods too? It seems that even on a day I pick to eat Healthy - I still feel guilty for even eating???

On Day 10 of not b/p! Somewhat concerned though because it is just all the sudden gone.......after 13 years? I am not having a hard time or craving a b/p. Seems strange...because I am nowhere near recovered....

My life is ruled by numbers

- on the scales
- in the food I eat
- my BMI
- of my hips, thighs and waist
- the weight I wish to attain
- the label on my clothes

And these numbers are never enough, they always seem so out of reach. They determine my mood, my feelings about myself, and how I present myself to the world. If these numbers cause me so much grief, than why do I place so much importance on them? After all, they are only numbers, they shouldn't have this much power over me!

Hi friends, I read a Recovery Tip on this site that said vomiting all contents in your stomach is not getting rid of all the calories? I am obsessed with the scale & have never gained a pound while bulimic for many years now. I am on Day 6 of no b/p & trying to eat - I am not well, I still weight myself constantly (I know I shouldn't), I am eating - but everything is low fat or healthy - it will take a lot of time before I can eat normal & stay off the scale.
My question is...why did I not gain any weight while Bulimic if calories are retained? I am terrified of gaining weight, I just cant have that happen. Can someone explain to me?

I have just written another blog entry that I would like to share. It is about the daily life of a bulimic. This is is in brief how my days usually look and feel like...

http://graceismyname.wordpress.com/2009/08/06/a-day-of-a-bulimic/

Feel free to comment on it or share your thoughts.

I've had such a rough week, been in and out of the Emergency Department 3 times. I have been really stressed lately and have been b/p'ing so much that I know i've done some damage. Last night was the last straw, I was throwing up blood, I cannot do this to myself any longer.

I must stop this. Why is bulimia such an addiction. I just do not know why I haven't the willpower to give it up, I mean, shouldn't medical reasons be enough to give it up forever?

The damage I am causing my body is just not worth it. I am not skinny, I am not healthy, I am screwing up my life...all this just because I can't resist my impulses.

I think IP treatment may be on the cards again. I just feel that I'm losing a lot of faith in myself and doing a lot of damage along the way.