Bulimia Help

Hello,

My 1st blog! Sooo I really need help on what to eat, how to eat, and when to eat..all with out feeling guilty, to full, or have the urge to purge.. Good Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner aand even some good snack foods. I am sure a blog has been writen about this before but im still trying to navigate my way through this website! lol. Thank you all soo very much for inspiration and motivation.. It means alot to all of us!

KEEP MOVING FORWARD

Ive been doing good, havent binged or purged on 26 days since the last time i b/p'd but i think im losing it, im eating normal but i feel hungry all the time, i read that most of the time ppl are not hungry but thirsty so i drink a lot of water, but i feel like im eating too much... i dont know how??? i dont know why my body is asking for food all the time. i try to keep it simple, i ate some chinese food today, it was ok, but im thinking about food more n more n i cant help it! i dont know it its because theres food in the house?? if its because i havent been able to move around like i used to. i dont know what to do!! i feel like my ass is huge, i have that feeling n im not going to b/p NO WAY! :( but what should i do?! whats going on?! why now that ive been doin great?! why so hungry?! omg... i really feel like im losing it, im mad because i think im eating just because im anxious? or could it be because im on my days... great! could that be the reason??! idk

Well, I went to a dietitian this past week and I thought it was a complete waste of time. She basically told me everything already know. I dont know about anyone else, but I am a subscriber to every health and fitness magazine out there! I read them, I absorb them and then I never act on any of it. I feel like I am pretty knowledgeable on the nutritional aspect of healthy eating, but like they saw... "you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make it drink"....thats pretty much me. I know all the information, but that doesnt mean I will do it.

Dont get me wrong, she did say some stuff that I will keep in mind, but I just thought that it was all useless for the bulimia mentality of it all. She told me that I eat pretty healthy, and I do, but when the stress, anger, loneliness and emotions kick in... I want to BP. She can write down anything she wants about eating, but I am the only one that control the emotions that lead to the binging and purging.

I have been doing better. I eat normal and sometimes more than normal. Sometimes I have sweets and maybe some other junk food that I normally wouldnt eat... but I just let myself eat it and not feel as guilty about it.

I started going back to the gym and I think that really helps with the emotions and feelings about myself. I never feel better about myself than I do after a good sweaty workout! I go before work so I have no excuses like I normally do after a long day at work. I get to relax at night and do school work without beating myself up about not getting to the gym because I am tired or whatnot.

I am doing some good stuff right now for myself. I feel a little more pulled together and in control. I like it. I have started to really tell myself that I should not care about what I look like so much. I am not fat and I am not skinny, but I am "healthy" and I should be grateful for that.

I ate a huge dinner and enjoyed it. I had been eating so healthy and it's not even triggering me. OMG I feel so strange at first I wanted to be guilty but I'm in bed just sitting on it. One meal won't make me fat. Wow I am thrilled at my thought pattern. Maybe there is hope

Okay: do you consider my day somewhat normal?
I still can't really tell when I am full or not. I am used to throw up coming up my throat as an indicator that its time to pray to the porcelain god...

Breakfast at 10.30 AM - medium size bowl of honey nut cheerios and a dash of skim milk + a small bowl of pineapple, fresh
Snack at 12 AM - small vanilla low fat yogurt drink
Lunch at 2 PM - small plate of gnocchi with fresh tomato sauce, drizzled olive oil + a peach smoothie (fresh)
Snack at 7 PM - about 8-10 mini ricecakes (did not count, yay!)
Dinner at 7.30 PM - muesli yogurt + an iceberg salad with cucumber, avocado and cherry tomatoes, no dressing + 2 small scoops of haagen dazs dulce de leche
STOP

Today was a good day because:
-I did not eat anything compulsively
-I did not over-think the things I ate and how many calories were in them
-I ate healthily for the most part
-I swam

Today needed improving because:
-I still haven't done my yoga
-I had 2 of my 'guilt' foods and I'm supposed to be taking it slow otherwise I'll just relapse