Bulimia Help

These past few days have been SO HARD...hence I've been posting every day...it gives me encouragement not to binge. I feel a bit better physically then I did yesterday but today has new struggles. I have to see my psychologist and that's always hard. I have an event for work tonight where there will be TONS of food around and I am scared of overeating there. In addition, I need to dress up for the event and I"m 15 weeks pregnant so none of my clothes look right and I have nothing to wear and no time to buy something new.

Everyday I'm just trying to get through and not b/p...but everyday is a new struggle. It's draining...this is the 3rd day I feel like every second I am just fighting off a binge...and I'm weary. I need to rejuvenate somehow.

How am I going to get through another day? My body is shaking and i know b/p will make me feel better. I seriously want to cry.
I feel so hungry and I feel weak. I have already eaten way too much today- more than my structured eating plan allows. Even after my breakfast, lunch and 2 snacks in between, I feel like i need food again...i've been drinking loads of water. I feel so awful....I will need a miracle to make it today without a binge...

I just couldn't stop eating today. I felt it coming on from the morning- and then I got to work and we're having all these events at work lately so there are cookies, cake, candies and crackers EVERYWHERE. I ate a good breakfast and am only supposed to eat my next snack 3 hours later but it was so hard. I had a few sucking candies and gum and made it until it was time to eat my next snack. But I just couldn't stop munching all day on the food that was around. Even though I ate my lunch on time etc...it was so hard!

I was also having a lot of negative thoughts- how another girl who works with me is so strict with her diet and has so much self control...and how just felt ugly and fat and horrible...even though I was getting a lot of compliments on my outfit today. Every time I would see my reflection, I'd feel horrible.

After work I wanted to binge so badly my body was shaking and tingling. I even went to the store to buy binge food and the line was so long I decided to forget it and with all my strength forced myself to go to the gym instead and go running...which i did (with GREAT difficulty) and I felt so much better afterwards.

But the battle never seems to stop and I got home and wanted to binge again but instead I'm here...writing on this site. I thought about the encouragement people give each other here and decided to not b/p tonight. I think I made it through the hardest part and can make it through today. But it was so damn hard...

And tomorrow's another day of challenges...

When does it end???

Today the cereal was staring at me from the pantry.Raisin bran, honey bunches of oats, and the most tantalizing of all...granola!!! "just one tiny little bowl" it begged.

NO NO NO!!! Go away granola!!!

Every time i eat you promise to make me feel fuller and happier, only to reaapear ten minutes later in the toilet bowl...laughing at my swollen face. Mocking me for falling in your trap...But your not going in, and your not coming back out. Your measily dry oats will not trip up my recovery!!!! HAHAHA victory.............

(wow sorry for the random blog if anyone is reading this)

Teeeheee :D

Wow, I just successfully avoided a binge.

I waited a little too long to have dinner tonight and had sort of been restricting all day. So when I started having dinner, I felt so good I didn't want to stop. I ended up eating quite a bit of food (a lot of little things). I even thought about throwing in the towel and participating in an all-out binge-and-purge session. But I didn't. I just really stayed in tune with my body and emotions, and I realized I really did need to eat. Now I am sitting here, happy, with a full tummy. I sure as hell didn't "restrict" like I was planning on doing today. Instead I just ate what my body told it to, and it doesn't feel so scary.