Bulimia Help

Firstly, I am so disappoionted with myself.
For the past month I had not had a major binge. Just a few relatively minor incidents, but not as bad as I know my binges can get. So, in some twisted sense I was content with my improvement.
Along with a reduction in binge purging I also saw some weight loss. This pleased me, although I know that weightloss shouldn't be my motivation. But surely some motivation is better than none at all? ... right?

Yesterday, and again today, I ended up binge-puring twice each day. Whatsmore, they were fully blown binges that literally filled me to capacity. I inevitably now feel, bloated, exhausted... and that old familiar feeling , fat.

Now, I'm not sure how to pick myself back up again.
I feel like I've undone my weight loss efforts by eating weeks worth of fattening foods, and I am back at home for the Christmas holiday so I am out of my usual routine, away from the gym where I exercise and surrounded by junk food.

I would really REALLY appreciate any advice on how to be 'good'... I thought my will power would keep me away from the b-p cycle, but i've seemingly over-estimated my will power~

Can't sleep I am in zombie mode again. I had binged on a rediculously large amount of food as usual and then just got rid of it all. I feel so guilty now and I can't even sleep. Yet alone I feel really horrible health wise from the binge. Dehydrated, stomach hurts, water weight issues, burned skin, bloating and the whole nine yards. I feel like a dead, living zombie right now and I just want to get out of this vicious cycle so badly. I tried to hide my binge and purge from my mom because I feel so ashamed and guilty every time she knows that I have acted upon eating disorder behavior. But what am I to prove to her? I just need to prove to myself that I can fight and win the battle.

I can't stand the fact that I take anger I have towards others out on myself. If I get pissed off at my mom for something she did, I will binge and purge just to have an excuse that it is her fault for me having an eating disorder. I really really truly need to use coping skills to deal with it.

Everytime I feel like I can win and that I won't binge and purge, there is always something in the back of my mind that tells me one more binge and purge won't hurt and that I will have plenty of time making up for it health wise. I am so frustrated with myself that I b/ped.

Maybe I have to just try to forgive myself instead of beating myself up..afterall this will only make things worse. I can try to get some shut eye and hope for the best tomorrow that I get back on my eating scedule..I need to I have to..I will....

No more excuses or bargains with E.D!

i fought with the thoughts, got food out, put food away ... aaarrgggh! i'm sure u all know how it goes... anyways, i eventually gave in and b/p'd.
this would have been day 5, i'm bummed & disappointed in myself that i wasn't stronger.

but it was different this time, i definitely didn't eat as much as i normally would and i was way more present & aware of what i was doing, where normally i would be on autopilot.. AND... i where i normally would have kept making my self sick until i couldn't anymore & was weak & shaking I STOPPED... that's a 1st. i probably just trying to cling to any little positive i can but really i just wish i hadn't done it.

breathe. relax. it's a new day tomorrow. gonna jump right back on that wagon!

who else feels that pressure.. tense, anxious pre-binge & what do you do to cope/overcome it??

I am to the point where I actually think about what i'm about to do before i do it..and know i shouldn't..but i do it anyway! its such a bad habit! i have been binging and purging to deal with feelings. all it does is create more negative feelings. i don't know where to go from here it feels like i'm trapped. i'm so discouraged.

Okay so lately I've been doing okay - I've been positive about my recovery and being really kind to myself. But last night I drank wayy to much, woke up extremely hungover, and had to go to work tonight (I'm a waitress). The urge to binge was really strong today. I felt extremely fat and depressed. I ate my way through the day and finished strong with 6 cookies and finished the bag of tostido chips, tried to throw it up but couldn't really. Now I'm feeling soooooo depressed like there's really no reason to go on. I'm so frustrated, I'm crying - I need HELP!! I don't know what to do. I hate my body. Tomorrow I'm supposed to go on vacation with my family to my cousin's house who lives on a lake. I don't feel comfortable in a bathingsuit and I won't be able to go to the gym.

What do I do? Please tell me there's hope of recovery - I just can't take it anymore I want to be happy and I'm sick of carrying all these extra binge pounds on my body it's killing me. This feels like rock bottom.

So, I was discussing this in therapy the other day but I wanted to get some reactions from you. I dont think i typically "binge," but perhaps eat what could look something like a normal meal, if there is such a thing, and feel full. However, the feeling of full makes me so ill and is typically so far from what I normally like to restrict to (my safe foods) that I have difficulty not purging. So even when I can keep myself at a normal calorie level I end up purging. Does this happen to anybody else?