Bulimia Help

Last summer, I told my mom about my bulimia... I regret it now... At first, she was very supportive but now she just doesn't trust me anymore. Last week, she even said that I'm a good liar... What do you think I did after that? BINGE!

I have been running a lot lately... I love running! It's healthy, it calms me down and it's actually my best way to control my binges. Tonight, I just reached the goal of 250 km ran in a month. I'm very proud of myself! I feel great! But hey, I can't tell her... She said that I'm running to loose weight which isn't true! Her focus is just on the number of calories that I burn. She actually told me the number last week! She doesn't get it... It's good that I'm running... Better running than binging all night!

So now, I'm becoming a real liar because I can't tell her the truth about my running. I know that I'm burning a lot of calories but I have no clue on how many calories I have burnt this month and to be honest, I don't wanna know. All I know is that I ran 250 km and I will do it again next month because it does make me feel great!

(Hey, it's official I did passed day 2. Good night!)

so.
Having jus finished a binge on the foods i seem to binge on every day, i have come to you for advice. What do you do when you are not in complete control of your environment? I moved back with my parents this year, and its so hard, cause they keep a ready supply of all my favorite binge foods. Things I would never keep around, like cereal and peanut butter...these seem to be problem foods for all of us.

I know they will not stop buying them. My father is very old, and doesn't know about my ed. When I have casually asked him to not buy something but he goes on and on and freaks out a little blahblahblah. alot My binge foods are his favorite foods. my mom has her own ED and only perpetuates the negative behavior. so...what to do!!!!?????

What do you guys do? I'm sure lots of you have roommates, family, and significant others, never mind coworkers who make it very hard for you to keep your control so what to do beside indulge and then come here to avoid purging

tricks to hide food, convince family....give me whatever you got. I try to make rules, i make notes , I tell myself its not my food...but its no use! I want it!!!!!!

i hate eating dinner with my family lately. my mom makes these huge meals and foods i dont like and puts the plates right in front of me. my dad eats alot of whatever no problem, in fact i worry about his health. my sister is about 13 and kind of a tom boy but im worried because my parents have been not only pressuring me to eat but her as well. and she seems to be wising up to them but i dont want her to develop some problem too. i just hate how much food is put on the table only to be untouched and put in the fridge to mock me everytime i want a glass of goddamn water. my mom makes too much food and she wont leave me alone about my appearance and how "skinny" ive gotten. i dont care i just want to eat food as sustenance like animals do. i dont want to have to worry everytime i take a bite of something or feed myself every 3 hours regardless of whether im "hungry" or not.

Last summer I went away for 3 weeks with my family. With stayed at a resort, so I did not have "free access" to food, so I didn't binge for the entire holiday. I also lost a little weight and I felt better about myself, probably more for the regaing control, rather than for the weight gain.
The problem is that my mum told me that I looked skinnier and that I looked better.
Now, I love my mum very much, but that comment, which at first made me feel really good about myself, now that I'm back home, and unfortunately back on bingeing, is terrifying me.
Now she's telling me that I'll look the same anyway, but what about that comment?
I'm feeling extremely scared, I thought I had recovered..but obviously recovery will not happen all of a sudden.
Has anyone got something a bit reassuring to say? I don't want to be seen as "ugly" by family. I don't want to disgust them.

p.s.: I live close to Milan, and therefore I feel like being thin is a standard requirement here :(

Recently I went on a camping trip a few of my close friends and had a great time. It really busted my spirits, but when I came home that all changed.

When I unpack all my camping gear, I went up to my room and my mom followed. She pulled out a school notebook that she had wrote a note to me in. She told me that my really good friends mom came over and told her everything. In the note my mom asked if it was her fault. I feel so terrible, and really just want to throw up agian. It's been about 2 weeks since I have, but the urge to do is taking over again. I feel so bad about causing my mom and my friends all this pain and worry. I know my friend did it out of pure love bc she went through this too, but got help and only wants the best for me. But why do I feel so lousy????

I have isolated myself from many things lately. I just want to be my old self again and not feel like a disappointment.

i could use friends right now to talk to if anyone is available. especially people who have been through this before. im feeling kind of lost.

Just wondering if anyone else has somone who constantly nags and criticizes them at home.

Because my mother does this to me and I mean every moment, every day, she criticizes me or says something about eatting "properly" or "how to lose my stomach" exercises that she hears from the TV health channels or magazines.

But this isnt just towards me but also to my brother and father to the lesser degree. This is because my brother, she has completely given up on, he will eat junk food if he cares to...not that this stops her from nagging him everytime he is on the phone and because my father exercises relgiously to the point he can eat 5000 calories in a binge-eatting matter and never see the scale go up.

Still she refuses to give my father the foods that he likes, she even hids it from him. Her reasoning: she says for his choesterol, which I can understand yet she will serious try to NEVER indugle on the foods that she believes is "bad".
He will at times hestiate to ask for seconds because she will rebuke him.

The wrost thing is that she was the reason that I started to lose weight. I am thankful yet resentful of this: Thankful because I was getting overweight and was in denial of it. Resentful because even though I did lose weight it was never enough for her....she made it a have to have now issue. She started to tell me that my ankles were too big, that my clothes made me look pregant, and critcize all of my eatting habits.

She restricted my diet to two very small portions of food (rice, fish, steamed vegetables) and maybe one fruit. and would tell me to go to the gym.

It felt as if she would only love me when I was losing weight.

She still tells me not to eat things like popcorn and other of my favorite foods, hiding them from me and when I do eat them she glares at me like I commited a crime. I've come to hide to eat my food or binge when she leaves because I feel like its my only chance.

I feel so terribly alone right now.
After 2 months I had a slip up which isnt that big of a thing because I am human but what makes me scared right now is my attitude.

I recently lost a small amount of weight, by eatting healthy and exercising a bit...after so long of hating myself and feeling like that it was impossible to control my eatting I was finally doing it and I was so proud of myself.

Then I visited the uncle's. They started to say stuff like this:

"Tina you need to lose more weight"
"20 more pounds and you'll look like a model"
"Just lose the fat off of your neck, dont you see it? Yea that fat right there and your face would look beautiful"
"Lose weight"
"Lose weight"
"You like rice cakes too much that's what keeps you from losing weight"
"If you want to lose weight you cant eat so much"
"The best way to lose weight is by fasting"
"Curly hair will make you look fat, wait til you lose a 10 pounds"
"I promise if you lose weight you'll have all the boys in the US going crazy"

So when my mother said something so small about a hair do would not look right on me because it'll make me look fatter I lost it.

I couldnt open my mouth because I felt like if I did I was gonna scream til I couldnt breath anymore.
I know I'm being over senstive. I still get over consumed about weight lost.
I couldnt stop crying right there at the mall with my cousin and mother and the whole world to see...it just keep falling down my cheeks...

on the taxi ride to my uncle's...at my uncles...on the bus back home...on the train ride...for over 6 hours the tears keep coming off and on.

When I finally came into my room I lost it completely. I shut myself in and the bulimia in me came out like a demon:

"You are worthless, waste of space" ... (the rest I dont want to put cause I dont want to add to anyone else bulimic thoughts)