Bulimia Help

September - the month of recovery!

I used to love starting clubs when I was little- like imitation Babysitters Clubs and Ghost hunter clubs... I want to start a new one... THE SEPTEMBER CLUB

It's pretty much the first day or day two of September for everyone floating around this site... So who wants to join?

Our club philosophy can be basic- every day in September is a dedicated day on the recovery journey. It's about Structured Eating, monitoring progress and working as a team to all build a foundation of self-care over the next 30 days (until it becomes a habit!)

Hooray for the new ebook which can back us up and propel us through this time. MOst of all hooray for being able to come to this site every day, or nearly every day and be supported! Perhaps we can start our own forum thread???

Anyone interested?

I'm a 19 year old guy, and am just now trying to recover . I always thought that my everyday B/P's were just a bad habit, denying that I had any kind of "disorder" or "disease", and I think I supported my denial with the stereotype that people with bulimia are always women. Finally, though, I've realized it's a serious problem. My life is negatively influenced by this and now I know that I need to stop...

After having 2 days of structured healthy eating without a B/P, I messed up today. My parents left me home alone, so I went back to my old ways and took advantage of their absence with a B/P. Then, following, I binged again. This time though, I didn't purge. I'm sitting here now trying to convince myself to keep everything in, it's just VERY hard.

What makes my recovery even harder, in my opinion, is that I'm a guy with bulimia. I know that it isn't easy for anyone with this disease, regardless of gender, but I'm afraid to seek help from my conservative parents. I'm gay, and terrified to come out to them even though I know I have to. I just feel that coming out to as a gay bulimic will be incredibly shocking to them, and they likely wouldn't be all that supportive.

Anyone else afraid to tell those closest to you about your disorder? What's more important, coming out to my parents as a gay man, or a bulimic man?

Today was hard and it wasn't exactly successful.
But I'm not calling it a loss because it wasn't a real slip.
I stuck to my meal plan, I had my 8am then my 11am then I held out till 2.30pm and ate with friends. It was ok. I couldn't really concerntrate as my friend is quite a lot with the talking so I just designated certain bits of the food in front of me that I would eat and that I wouldn't. And it wasn't much more than I have been having as part of my meal plan spread between a 1pm and 4pm mini-meal. It became problematic when I got talked into a dessert. I would have been the only one of SIX not having dessert and so I ordered it and ate some.
I'm really pleased I didn't go mad and eat the lot without even noticing what I was eating, I really took my time and really tried to listen to my body over the din of my mates non-stop chatter.
And I left a lot of it, which annoyed me because I felt like it was a real waste of £3. But then to be fair, it would have been just as much of a waste if I'd eaten the lot, felt guilty as hell and purged it all up again.

Afterwards I went for a walk because I felt pretty bloated. It wasn't the usual sort of post binge bloat though. I didn't feel like my skin was so streached over my stomach that I might explode. I was just very aware of my stomach, and I don't think that's too bad. And by getting myself out of the house for fourty five minutes I made sure I wouldn't be able to purge.

The dilema came when I had to make a decesion about dinner. As part of my meal plan I eat basically every three hours, so I was due to eat with my family at 7.
Luckily today was a bit of a mess as my brother is going out so had to eat early so I had a chat with my Mum and decided I would have half a jacket potatoe.
It was really scary because I couldn't actually decide if I was hungry or not. I was worried the part of my brain telling me I wasn't was the bulimic part of me discouraging me from eating because of having eaten out.

I am in the early stages of recovery, after a looonng battle with bulimia and ED thoughts. I can't even remember the way I ate before my eating disordered thoughts took precedence. It's crazy to think that now I desire to be normal whereas once I strived to be so different.

I give myself credit for doing well so far, more than a week of no b/ping episodes and sucessfully managing structuted eating despite the challenges it has brought. I am positive that now is the time to kick bulimia's butt once and for all. I am so tired of the pain and difficulties it has brought into my life.

Now is the perfect moment for me to b/p. I am alone in my flat, my boyfriend at work, there is food in the cupboards (as a result of me NOT binging for the past week or so - plus point!), it is raining outside, no one will be disturbing me for the next couple hours. The PERFECT time for me to indulge in what once used to be my "favourite" past time. I can hear the little bulimic voice in me calling out for some attention, getting stronger, and stronger, telling me that "just the once, just one little blip, it will be ok...there's always tomorrow". This little voice has stopped me time after time of putting the final nail into the coffin of my bulimia.

HOWEVER, something has changed... instead of my usual frenzied behavious of rushing into the kitchen, the adrenaline pumping through my veins, the opening of the fridge to pull out pack after pack of food to frantically force down my throat before my rationality kicks in.

Now, I'm considering the consequences of such an action.

I think how well I have done up to now. How that makes it the longest period of time I have gone without a b/p episode since I was an in patient in hospital and I was supervised after meal times and my rights to visit the bathroom were taken away from me, save under supervision - and now I have managed this feat all by myself.

I'd like to start by thanking everyone for being supportive and giving me some really great advice on my last blog.
I lay awake most of the night freaking out about it.
Mostly I got myself into a tizz because I just failing to answer the question "what would a normal person do?"
For hours I simply had no idea but it finally dawned on me, and it's essentially the same advice I woke up to find on my blog this morning.

1. I am not restricting before hand. This is what I would normally have done but instead I'm sticking to my meal plan.
2. Decide what to have before hand. I've been to the place before, I'm just going to have a "ploughmans lunch", which does involve disgustingly huge chunks of cheese and bread but mostly it's salad and I figure if I start with the salad and then ease myself into the bread and cheese my body will let me know when I've hd enough.
3. Distract myself afterwards. I'm going to go and do all my Avon deliveries straight afterwards, that means I'll get a walk in, some alone time and accomplish something I've been putting off all weekend.
4. Eat something light for my evening meal. I've already talked it over with my Mum and I'm going to have a bowl of soup. I find it very helpful to know what I'm eating a while before I eat it, it means I can prepare myself mentally.

Essentially I've decided to combine my 1 o'clock and 4 o'clock mini-meals into one lunch and other than that my meal plan is not going to change.
It's a bit early on in my recovery to really be testing myself like this but I'm trying to stay positive. I'll drink water rather than a soft drink, because I think they disguise my stomach's true feelings if you will, the carbonation always makes me think I'm full. Which I don't want to do, I actually want to know I am genuinely full.

I'm really pleased with myself for making it this far and for coming up with this idea on my own. Thank you so much for all the encouragement!
I'll let you know how it goes!!

Hello everybody, my name is Lexi and i am 21 years old. This is my first time reaching out after years of disordered eating. I'm finally fed up and serious about a change. I guess I'll start with a background of my ED...

I was always a bit chubby as a kid, still in a normal weight range but not as "skinny" as all my friends. When I was 12, I decided i wanted to be "healthy" so I cut out all junk food from my diet. I immediately started losing weight, and I liked it. The more weight i lost, the more obsessed I got about my weight and food, and eventually ended up at 75 pounds(5'4). After many doctor visits and threats from my parents I eventually recovered and ended up at a healthy weight. From age 13-18 I had no problems with food or weight whatsoever, it wasn't until I turned 19 and decided to get a gym membership and eat "healthy" and count calories. BIG MISTAKE. It started off innocently enough..1500 calorie diet, moderate excerise, was feeling pretty good about myself..Well I got the flu about a month in and dropped about 10 pounds in 3 days. I was amazed about how GOOD i looked and loved the comments from everybody about how skinny I was.. I especially loved the ones about being too skinny. Ever since then I've been terrified about gaining the weight back and obsessed with my weight. I gradually started cutting back calories more and more until I was living on 500/day. Eventually my body couldnt handle that anymore and I started binging like a mad women. I would have one huge binge day followed by 3 days on 500 calories then another huge binge day. This cycle continued until about April this year, and then turned into binge/purge pretty much everyday. I can't stop. I need help. I'm hoping creating this blog and writing in it when I feel the urge to binge will serve as some sort of distraction and help me. Sorry so long, if there's anyone still reading I just want to say thanks for taking the time to listen! :)

Day 4.
But I'm not counting the days, not really. I don't want to have to start over if/when I slip up.

You know I swaer it was easier just giving in to my bulimia.
Every meal is a battle now.
I've never been a purger after regular meals, just occasionally if I felt really guilty or bloated. But now I'm terrified at every meal of feeling full. I'm scared that I'll get bloated and not know what to do other than purge.
But on the flip side I'm terrified of being hungry. Because I don't want to feel as though I'm restricting and give up and raid the fridge.

It was much easier before.
Now every mouthful takes my full attention and I stare at my food for minutes at a time deciding if I'm full or not. I've left huge chunks of every dinner of the last few days because I'm so scared I'll be bloated if I carry on.

And, and I'm sorry if this is a bit personal for some of you, but I haven't stopped going to the toilet since I started my structured eating.
I have a lot of issues about using the toilet and wouldn't normally go even every other day. Often that would be to do with my bodies reaction to the binges or restriction but also because I have slightly fucked up issues with hygene and using toilets in general. But I swear to God, I'm going like twice a day every day. It's a really strange thing for me but for the first time in years it's not incredibly unpleasent and I'm beginning to come to terms with the fact that it's just a natural part of bodily functions.

But all the negative stuff aside I'm really proud of myself. I'm eating six times a day, starting at 8am then 11, then 1, then 4 then 7 and then finally at 9 if I'm particuarlly hungry.
I'm also learning about my body more and more and every day realising how to prevent myself from feeling uncomfortable or bloated. Like regularlly using the toilet or not drinking tea straight after a meal, as both have previously caused me to feel very bloated or aware of my stomach.

Oh dear, I have been in hiding for the past few days (well since wed) trying to tell myself that its ok to b/p because of all this stress with exams and assessments. Funny thing is this is just the beginning and its only going to get worse with the exams etc so i better get my arse back into action again. i feel like i may have gained a billion kilos from just the past few days episodes. And definatley have been so unproductive thus increasing stress. no point hiding from it now!! i have being doing really well until i begin to justify my b/p urges and let it takeover. Today i was feeling good, thought it would be great study day, started with good brekkie then had the house to myself, told myself it was now or never cos ppl will come back soon so you wont get the chance to b/p. do it now, theres no risk of anyone finding out. so i did. and wasted a good day of study on being exhausted, sore throat and once again missing the gym session i'd planned.

i feel so tired, but is that another excuse for me not to go the gym. should i just go and have an easy workout?? will it make me feel better? or should i go home, have a tv night and relax? i keep thinking if i go to the gym now, ill lose all the time that i could be studying (but i probably wouldn't be studying anyway!)

Fine, guys, I am off to the gym. Just for an easy workout. Seems pretty obvious its the right choice. Thanks again for bringing me back to my senses!! : )

soooo im 3 weeks into my recovery, i lasted 2 weeks with only 2 minor slips and the last week has been pretty tough.. i had a bad weekend of constant binging/purging but really wanted to get back in the swing of things this week.... mon and tues were good but i was feeling pretty down/unmotivated/lazy on wed, thurs and fri so i didnt fight the urge as much as i should have.

This morning however, is my birthday! i woke up and my boyfriend had to leave to go to his nephews basketball game, i was going to go but then decided to stay at home because i wanted to b/p. How sad, ive been going so well and was so sure this was going to be my first binge free birthday in 6 years... This moring when i woke up i thought id lost my iphone, i was calling it, looking everywhere could not find it!! i was in tears on my birthday already! i LOVE my iphone, sounds strange but its helped me though recovery soooo much! its a great distracion, listening to music, gratitude diary, games etc. So when i thought id lost my baby i instantly thought: binge time. so all the usual thoughts flooded into my head, the planning started. How much time i had, what foods i would buy, you know the drill. until BOW BOW I FOUND MY PHONE! in my bed with me hehe i was probably snuggling my phone more than i was my boyfriend! and then my morning got even better... my boyfriend gave me an awesome bday present: 2 hrs flying a real helicopter! WTF i think he wants me to die! im so excited its a day course and then ME flying a helicopter! anyway...

Anyone up for having a texting buddy? Someone we can talk to day or night if we need some advice/encouragement?

<3