Bulimia Help

I think I just commented on your page but I'll comment here too. I left my masters in January to really focus on recovery. I haven't been working either, so with no studying or working I feel like a prisoner most of the time too.

Sometimes it's so overwhelming, Im lucky my fiance can and is willing to support us both, although I am looking for work now too, If Im honest Im not putting everything into it because Im scared it will make my bulimia come back. So then I fight not only with emotions of loneliness while at home, but also of fear of what starting work again would bring and also guilt that my fiance has had to support me and pay for everything for a very long time now.

Most days I am totally sad and depressed but I force myself to get up, to do anything to engage my mind. I get up early like 7am even if I haven't slept well, and I get ready for the day (even though I have nothing to do)

Its so hard when you get stuck in a position like this, as much as we want to get out of it, either we cant or we dont know how. But I'm here for you hunni, I honestly know how horrible it is x x

wow I am exactly the same!
My boyfriend is currently financing both of us, and I too get up early every morning, shower and get dressed even though I have nothing to do. I write lists of all the things I want to do that day, but sometimes it is hard to motivate myself to do anything. Some days are good though.
Alot of the time I feel like I am just waiting for the hours to pass, to get to the next day. Both today and yesterday I have had slip-ups, and I don't want them to last all week (the weekend is my saviour! Finally in constant company!)
I get quite down that I'm 24 (25 next week) and this is my life. Surely I should be out and about with mates...but they all live far around the country now.
I'm scared to go back to work too. I logically know I am good enough. But something just scares me.
I am always here to chat also,
xxx

Im 24 too, and Im often thinking what went wrong with my life?? It's like I never grew up, didn't learn how to look after myself. I have so many negative emotions linked to that. I always wonder what people must say about me, think im lazy, wonder whats going on. But I have no way to express how I feel most of the time, how much "the real world" terrifies me. But every day we just have to sit here and feel the guilt, I don't really think people could know how hard it is to be in this position.

Im lucky I get a break once a week I do go out with my friends on a Wednesday, its like the only thing I look forward to apart from the weekend. Every day I know I need to take steps to sort out my life, but its like I have this huge invisible barrier thats stopping me!

Its so nice to be able to share this with someone who really understands though :) x x

i am looking for work and stuck home alone all day. i get up when my husband leaves for work at 6am. i walk the dogs and eat breakfast. wish i had the desire to shower and get ready for the day after that. instead i jump on the computer until noon and then shower and get ready for the day. sometimes i feel like what's the point? i'm not going to go do anything. i don't have any money. i sit and look for jobs but i'm also living in a rural area and the jobs are far and few between. it sucks and i hate it. its so lonely.

I always have that feeling that I never grew up; sometimes I believe that I don't even think of myself as an adult; I honestly think my eating disorder has regressed me. Sometimes I think I b/p because I don't want to face the day, and in-turn, the real world. I isolate myself away from society outside by b/p, but at the same time I HATE that I'm alone all the time!!
It is so hard in this position; I know other people don't understand, I'm so glad you do! My mum in particular; I know she thinks I'm a bit lazy and that I must just watch TV all day, when the truth is I spend most of the day tidying and scrubbing things, then looking for jobs online.
The only things I look forwards to are the weekends and fridays when I see my therapist in the morning. I wish I had the money to do more things, but then I don't even know what those things would be! I wish I could make more friends in the area, but I don't think randomly walking up to someone in the street and saying "HELLLOO! LETS BE FRIENDS!" would really go down well...
hmmmm.
I know I need to make steps too. I even have a "self-motivation" book. That is how exciting my life is!! Hobbies would be good to I guess!!
xx

I am in the same situation during the summer. I'm in college, so I'm home during those months. I can only find part-time jobs with weird hours, which leaves me at home alone a lot. Like you, my boyfriend is very supportive, but it doesn't help when I'm by myself during the week.

Being at school definitely helps. Maybe you could find a hospital, animal shelter, or nursing home to volunteer at during the day? I wish I had thought of it this past summer, and maybe things wouldn't have gotten so bad again.

Best of luck dear. <3

Its so nice to see that people are experiencing the same emotions! I recently moved to a new city to take pre-requisites for grad school, and although I have a roommate, I find myself alone most of the time. I go to class and have a ton of work to do, but I feel so isolated all the time. Unfortunately, the people that are taking the classes with me are freshmen in college where as I am 23 so I don't have friends in class, and I have so much work to do that I don't have to time to go out and really socialize. On top of that, I definitely have social anxiety and my fears lead me to shut myself off and hide out with the comforts of my eating disorder. I feel tramped and alone...about the worse combination you can get! The nights are the hardest and unfortunately that is when I am always by myself as my roommate is with her boyfriend. I would love to make friends on here...email me anytime at krb9p@virginia.edu!

I'm so glad that other people are facing these problems too! I'm 25, gonna be 26 in a few months, and I wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life. I've decided to go to school to study medicinal nutrition, but until then I figured I should get a job.
But just like some of you guys have said here, I'm worried it might make me start b/p-ing again. I read in a bulimia help book that you should be comfortable eating quickly, cuz you might not have time at work, or in the morning for proper meals. and I usually eat really slowly, or like 2 hours after I just ate. I dont think there is a job that is so accommodating of my eating patterns, and if I cant follow it, I might freak out.
or what if I dont get along with people at work? Loneliness is a huge trigger for me, and i dont wanna do anything to jeapordize my recovery.

The weird things is, I dont really even know if these are real fears, or just my excuses for not getting off my lazy ass. But it really helps to know other people are dealing with similiar issues. makes me feel not so lame, and failure-like. When I read your posts, I saw strong people addressing and trying to overcome their issues, but when I look at me in the same kind of predicament, I see lame and failure. Thats really screwed up! I wonder why being lonely makes us turn to food???

*Hugs* to all of you, beacause I know how this feels. It is nice to know I'm not the only one who feels she didn't grow up, that her life is yet to begin, etc. It is hard, and I'm not sure how one might cope -- I'm still working on that one. Just know that none of you are alone in this.

Let me know if any of you want to talk on the phone! I would love to talk to any of you lonely souls out there, like myself :-) I can call you (any country as long as it's a fixed line not mobile). I live in Europe.

I moved to this foreign country this year to marry my husband. I used to have a wonderful job which I loved and gave me the opportunity to travel to different countries. And I had a lot of friends. But now I'm spending all day learning the local language, no job (currently pregnant), no close friends. I feel so LONELY on weekdays. And after being independent since I was 18 now I have to be supported by my husband. I feel like a dependent child every time I take money out of his bank account! Sometimes I walk on the street with tears streaming down my face, because I'm dying to talk to someone. I'm hiding bulimia from everyone, and I feel even lonelier. But telling my depression to my family and friends didn't help me at all. They don't understand and they think I'm making all this up in my head and I should just snap out of it. They told me what I should do and how I should feel. It made matter worse for me.

But I'm determined to get better. I'm dying to talk to someone that shares the same suffering. So send me a message if any of you want to talk on the phone!

Hugs! Remember you're not alone.

I also have a very loving boyfriend, but because of his college classes out of town and our very different schedules, i don't usually see him during the day. I only work at night, and i usually don't get to spend time with my friends until after work, and classes are early in the morning, so that leaves me home alone for about 5 hours in the middle of the day every day. This is the time when I am most tempted to b/p, especially if I get bored or lonely. The best way I have found to cope with this is I make a "to do" list every morning before class, and I make a point to get it all done when I'm home alone during the day. Not only do I get a lot accomplished with my free time, but it also keeps my mind off of food and my self-image. Before I know it, it is time to go see my boyfriend or go to work. Maybe this can work for you, I know times are hard now and money is tight- for everyone. So I try to focus on tomorrow, and make positive plans for the future, instead of worrying about my problems today. I am just now beginning my recovery, so i still have a long way to go. Good luck! I hope some of this advice helps :)

OK THIS IS NOT EVEN FUNNY HOW MUCH I RELATE TO EVERYONE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's scary.. its so scary because I want to kiss and hug all of you at the same time and telly ou i dont even know you but i love you. its like we are one and the same.. no one else understands. im going through this as well right now. i live in the states and have verizon.. id totally be wiling to be a support buddy.. contact me on my wall if your interested. I donT want to put my cell here you know but yea! I'm 24 next week and I also like suitepee fel like somehow i slipped through te cracks, like i never grew up, now im suffering because of it.. i also come from severe family issues and that doesnt help.. i want to grow up, to eat normal, but when im alone.. isolated.. it comes back. im alone a lot.. now that my bf and i broke up, its been triggering me... i just need freinds, buddies in this recovery, because iwant but loneliness is my worst trigger. please all you wonderful ladies.. know that you are NOT alone. in fact.. i need to hear these things because i dont even blievei my own self half the time, that i actually am this way, and i also get isolated etc bc of it.

I need someone to be with me for 24hours a day. That would really help. As soon as I left work today and was on my own again the urge started. Then I got home and my boyfriend was out watching football with his friends and I relapsed. Despite a good two days on fri and sat. Nevermind

i feel like this alll of the time. i know deep down inside that if i went home for a month, and had my parents watch me, and did nothing but focus on me, I could beat this. but i dont want to lose my job as a healthcare computer software analyst that gets to travel across the country. i cant just shut my life down and put it on hold for x amount of time. its not going ot wait on me....

i enjoyed skimming through everyone's thoughts and it is freaky how much we all connect emotionally with the same thoughts and triggers. it makes me feel less ashamed in battling bulimia because i know that they are other people out there who can understand too. but even though i live at home and i am by myself during the day, having my parents around has not helped me. i moved across the country and the transition made the ED worse, but at least i am starting to get more involved with an IOP which should help regulate some meals. what i mainly wanted to say is that the eating disorder and my depression made me drop out of school have to quit one job and work only part time. i could not function and i still couldn't if i had to work full time or go back to school. i am lucky to have great supportive parents and great health insurance through my state to help me recover. but like everyone else i am scared to go back to reality and be an adult. i want to return to school but will i be able to succeed is what i wonder.

Its so nice know I'm not alone in what I'm going through. I'm currently in a town where I know nobody. My roommates have all moved out and I'm all alone all the time. I know how it feels to get up in the morning, eat breakfast and then just always thinking about food the rest of the day. I want to get out of the house but I have no car, the bus system is non existant and all its been doing is raining the past couple days so I can't bring myself to leave avoid being alone.

I blame falling off the wagon on the rain. Isn't the weird?

i am 15 years old and although i go to school every day and have friends, and act like a normal person, i feel like my eating disorder has set my apart from everybody

i spend so much time everyday thinking about how my life might be if i had never had an ED, and i might be happier, more outgoing, and just have more of a life! its amazing how ive been reading all these comments and i can relate to the lack of motivation, the "lazyness", feeling kinda hopeless and lonely, and just scared really.

i know without this problem i can be a normal person, but thinking about my issues just gets me down even more and i dont know how to escape it sometimes, especially when im alone.

i love being with people. they make me forget..but at the same time i feel so much more behind than everyone else. and im only 15

hugs to everyone!! ♥♥♥ :)

this is the single most powerful thing I struggle with. I get so utterly miserable after about an hour of solitude. My aniexty goes wild, my self esteem drops, I'm lying on the couch crying, and the only thing I want to do is eat eat eat. It's almost as if I'm in a trance. Sometimes I stop myself, ask if I really want to do this, how I;ll feel afterward, how i'll be disrespecting myself. This works most of the time. But being alone... it's terrible.