Bulimia Help

I'm not so sure, i think i might have some form of depression.
Like for a while i was having really nasty thoughts, some were suicide thoughts, but i was never into that, ever and still amn't so i did snap out of it and just try to deal with it when the thoughts pop up, but i just figured that was got to do with the ED, as it's practically running my life.
I'm not so sure if it is depression. Hope not, havent spoken to anyone, nobody really notices me now anyway, im just like a shadow, before the ED, i was really bubbly and fun, or so i was told and now i jut kind of avoid everyone, my family just think it's the hormones though, so they hardly realise when i just sit in the bathroom, whether im purging or just thinking about stuff, they dont even notice im gone.

I was diagnosed with dipression and my consular asked me if I want to speak with the doctor they have so I can take anti-depressive pills but I said no cause I know many people who saaid they r not good and u will just be dependent of it..

I think eating disorders are STRONGLY associated with depression, so much that if someone's eating is taking over their life I don't see how they could not be depressed. But my depression is really temporary but bad when it's there.... which leads me to another diagnosis...

I think I have borderline personality disorder, which typically involves unusual levels of instability in mood; black and white thinking, or splitting; chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior; as well as a disturbance in the individual's sense of self.

Studies suggest that individuals with BPD tend to experience frequent, strong and long-lasting states of aversive tension, often triggered by perceived rejection, being alone or perceived failure. Individuals with BPD may show lability (changeability) between anger and anxiety or between depression and anxiety and temperamental sensitivity to emotive stimuli.

(all taken from wikipedia)
Basically I don't think I fit the diagnosis of depression completely because I can have a good day where I'm really happy and relaxed and things are good. But then all it takes is someone to say 'lets go out for dinner' and suddenly i become majorly anxious, eat too much and feel depressed. which gets worse and worse and worse until i feel suicidal. then tell myself i have to get better, have a difficult couple of days trying to get back on track and then return to my happy go lucky state again.

I defnitely think there is a strong relation between eating disorders and personality disorders like anxiety or BPD. I've been hospitalized for suicide attempts in the past, but I've never been officially diagnosed with anything! It's in my medical charts that I have "suicidal/depressive tendencies and a highly disordered eating habits with bulimic tendencies" among a few other characteristics. I've been putting off making a docs appointment for years because I hate how they are so inconclusive with me. I'm very curious about anti-depressants though because maybe if I didn't feel so hopeless, anxious, sad and unmovtivated all the time it would be easier to recovery from my "highly disordered eating habits." I haven't really been able to discover which is the chicken and the egg with my moods and my eating disorder, which is the symptom and which is the disorder.

I am currently on antidepressants, which are solely used to treat my depression (not my ED). I find it really reaaallllly beneficial, because even if I didn't have bulimia, I would still be depressed. The antidepressants take care of the depression, so rather than my bulimia adding to that pre-existing problem, it is completely separate... if that makes *any* sense at all! If you do think you have depression (trust me, you know!), it is 100% worth it to try and get on some antideps. meds. so you can at least get that problem under control. Keep in mind however that finding an antidep med is a long process. There are soooo many different kinds, and each kind may or may not affect you differently. Then once you find one that works for you, the dosage needs to be figured out (for example, if I go over a certain dosage, my moods go haywire!). BUT don't let that scare you off... once you find one that fits you, it really makes a difference. I hope this helps even a little bit :)

Yeah I want to get this all figured out, the sooner the better, so that I can get on with my life and if antidepressants are the answer for me than it's a route that I'm willing to explore. I've never thought of myself as a "medicated" person - I don't even take asprin! But I'm feeling really desprate lately to find some sort of light at the end of the tunnel and I'm hoping that if I didn't feel so down and unmotivated all the time that I could really give my all to recovery from my ED too. Chem_nerd, I know how you feel, sometimes it all feels so hopeless but there's gotta be a way to get out of this all right?

I think antidepressants have helped me too. I'm not that good at taking them regularly especially when I have a relapse and probably need them the most. But since I've started taking prozac (celeste/citalopram didn't work for me) i've gone longer periods without bingeing and found it easier to get back on track.
If there is an imbalance of serotonin or whatever in our brains then it kind of makes sense that if we take a drug to get that serotonin then we'll be less likely to go for the other serotonin-high foods such as carbs and chocolates.
They just seem to have taken that edge off things. Having said that, am really struggling today to get up and motivated.

I motivate myself to get out of bed by making a tanning appointment in the morning. That way I HAVE to get up and get going, I HAVE to shower after and get ready for my day. I think having some sort of commitment in the morning is a good idea because I would be in bed until the last possible moment wallowing in negativity.

that's brilliant. the thing is every day even if i have something planned then i can still waste it away. my boyfriend doesn't know i was at home all day. and didn't even do anything useful. except i did watch three films. and it's always good to have film knowledge!

I think it's about holding yourself accountable like if you have to speak to someone to make some plan then you feel you have to follow through. Since I have to call ahead to make a tanning appointment this works for me. It's a little thing, but I wouldn't get out of bed without it! I had a gym pass a while ago because I thought this would help me (plus exercise is supposed to boost your serotonin levels) but since you just go whenever you want I couldn't motivate myself enough and ended up wasting an 8 month membership :(

I’m impressed, you know what you’re talking about

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Nice job, it’s a great post. The info is good to know!

blocked nose

funny enough considering my past issues with abuse as a child i am suprised i havent been diagnosed with a mental illness such as depression but i think thats because i kind of use food as a control thing as a way of having something to focus on otherwise i probably would focus too much on the past.i know maybe in america or maybe some people in certain places in britain might go running to the doctor but i dont,its not too say your wrong or weak to see a doctor and be diagnosed depressive no i am not saying that but simply that the way i was brought up was to deal with my own issues and only see a doctor if i am about to drop dead lol

I've read there's a strong correlation between being abused as a child and eating disorders as a control mechanism. I live in Canada and health care is pretty much free, perscriptions sometimes aren't but I wasn't raised to go to the doctor for every pain or cough. I've never been one to take any kind of medication, even asprin, if I can help it. Sometimes I feel the need to just go to the doc and get it over with, I know it would be a step in the right direction, but I always think I can just fix myself. It's only when I'm low as low can get that I consider calling up the doctor's office, but I never do - but I should.

yeah i use food as a control method becks23,but can i also say sometimes the ED is what causes the depression,some people dont actually have depression and dont have any abuse i their past,there ED developed after they started a diet that went too far.if the brain doesnt get enough food it cant produce seroton how ever you spell it and it goes too low and this is what causes depression.thats when you start craving sugary stuff like mad because sugar gives seroton a lift.hard to explain really.if seroton is too low you get depressed too high you get manic .i think the sugar cravings is the brains way of self medicating lol.throw away the prozac and have a chocolate bar lol

I totally agree I was so happy before I realized I had an ED and then I just got completely envelopd in it. I don't have a past of abuse, I had a very happy childhood and still would have an amazing life except this one aspect completely ruins it. I think that's why I take a lot of psych and stuff in school...I want to find all the answers so that maybe one day I can help people.

Ya i agree with you what you are talking about.Depression causes a major problem in all age groups whether they are teens, adults or old aged ones.Depression can l;ead to nothing in the long run.
Thanks,
Teen Depression

I was taking an anabolic steroids to get treatment and it actually worked for me since I loved going to the gym and now i'm healthy not needing any more help and eating normal.

I am bipolar. My doctors think that I developed and eating disorder as a way to self medicate my mood into stability. I don't know about that, but I do know that I binge and purge more when I am in a depressive state and fast/ over exercise when I am in a manic frame of mind.