I have no friends =(
Im after someone in perth to have fun with, go out, enjoy life, see the world for what it is, and take my mind of binging. Unfortunatley since i started being Bulimic at 13yrs old, in class all i could concerntrate on was food. How i would get it, how to find it, how to steal it, how to purge it. It was crazy. I shut out all my friends, i never went out, and became a very obsessed anti social person. By year 10 i dropped out of school, the obessession came to much an i wasnt at school to learn. I was ashamed to be in the public eye, so i wagged and would hide.
Now as a result i have no friends. Alot of my binges are to do with depression and lonliness. I have alot of family, and they are great, but they live about an hours drive. I have no-one to go clubbing with, go to the beach, do all the normal things 19 yr olds do. When i was working i could hear the other girls talking about their weekends and how much fun they have.
I was never invited however, i find it hard to fit in i suppose. But now im lonley and its the prime of my life, and im all alone, and spend my weekends baking cookies to binge and purge on. I wanna go clubbing, and to the beach, and "shopping" with friends. I want a friend to have laughs with, instead of crying in the corner of my home... =(
I in the perth area if anyone wants to get together for a coffee, and a chat?
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Hi,
I just signed up today, and I don't know anyone on the site yet. I'm 17 and I've been dealing with eating disorders for almost 5 years now (only bulimic for the past 2).
Over these few years I've transformed into the most anti-social person, but I want to get past it.
Maybe we can help each other get over this and break out of our shells.
that would be great. The good thing is we are still only young, and have plenty information on the problem we face. The sad thing is, its a very long process to recover. So where you from?
~*~ U GoTtA HaV Ur bAd tImeS, tO EnJoy uR GoOd tImEs *~*
I agree. I live in Los Angeles, California, I have all my life. This is my first time ever even attempting recovery, so I'm sure I have a very long process ahead of me. As you can probably tell by my vague user name and my profile picture of my dog, I'm still kind of paranoid about people knowing about my bulimia. I've never told anyone before. But I do feel better already just being able to say it to someone.
So anyways, bl0nd3y, tell me about yourself? haha
I know it sounds weired, but i dont have a problem telling people. I suppose its bcoz iv asked for help, and my mum always new when i was bulimic...which i always tried to hide. I suppose i tried to hide the binge but never the fact i was bulimic.
Im glad u feel a little better getting it off your chest. I to am here to recover, and have sought help, but to be honest, am still not sure if i want it. I know i have to stop, i hate the way it makes me feel, i hate doing it...but its something iv lived with, and the only thing im familiar with, it would feel weired not to be bulimic. Its my friend i suppose, as i have none i place my bulimia as a companion, and ofcourse would feel lost-but free without it.
Im 19 yrs olf, been bulimic since i was 12-13yrs old. I was abused when i was younger, i remember my step dad force feeding me, in which i threw up out of fear as he was a muscular tall man and would beat me if i didnt eat. I would vomit out of fear, and in return made to eat my vomit.
My mother also suffered bulimia for 15 yrs so its also within the family so there was no way i couldnt of had it. To be honest i hate some things iv done. Iv been promiscuous in a sence to feel "wanted" or appreciated, which is very ebaressing for me, and i dont know if its the self esteem or bulimia in the reason i have become promiscuous. I know its not out of pleasure, but a sence of being "liked" and made to feel attractive.
And what about yourself?
~*~ U GoTtA HaV Ur bAd tImeS, tO EnJoy uR GoOd tImEs *~*
you are a very strong woman. I am jealous of your ability to open up to people, and I am proud that you feel comfortable enough to open up to me even though we've never met, or know each others names.
well, as for myself, I'm 17, and i started around the same time as you. I was depressed and had extremely low self-esteem. It started with starving myself, then i began cutting myself. I still have to wear pants all the time because there are scars all over my legs. but I'm happy to say I haven't done in almost a 8 months! but i couldn't keep up the starvation. i needed to eat, and when i started, i couldn't stop. the only thing i could think to do was throw it up again. i'll never forget the feeling of panic after that first binge. if i hadn't vomited, i think i might have clawed my skin off.
i'm not sure if i'm ready for recovery either. i'm really scared for tomorrow-it will be the first time in 2 years that i plan on intentionally trying to avoid vomiting. i really don't think i can do it. i'm going to try, but to be honest, i don't think my want to recover enough to overcome my need to purge.
and as for promiscuity, I totally understand you there. i have done some things i regret more than anything. yesterday, i had sex in a bathroom with a guy because he told me I looked skinny. i felt so dirty afterwards and i still feel disgusted for doing it. I feel like a whore. i am a whore. and it was all just because he said i looked "skinny." i was vulnerable and he made me feel attractive.
the feeling after doing that was what led me to join this site. it wasn't the first time i've done something like that, but i'm hoping it might be the last.
yeah, i'm 16 and i've been struggling since i was 8 or 9. Now it's getting really bad. I'm here at school doing this. All i do is go to class and think about food or how i can manipulate my body into getting smaller. now my friends are shutting me out and are making snide remarks. But i could help you, sometimes i help myself by helping others. =)
~Gypsy~
hey there, i know how you feel, i lost most of my friends because i am bulimic, ruined a relationship...and now i feel depressed all the time, it's like i have no purpose in life and i feel so down and i just can't get up. if you need someone to talk to i am here, lots of hugs!
i thrown away relationships to. May i ask if you have strong jelousy issues, as this is one cause to my throwing away relationships with partners. BTW you sound as though your stuck in a rutt. How long have you being stuck in your state of depression? Have you seen a doctor, and where they of anyhelp to you? I suffer bipolar so i have to take medications, but if i miss 2 or more days i become suicidal depressed. Maby you should see if your DR could put u on something to get u through the hard part and help attempt a positive outlook to change and recovery? oxox
~*~ U GoTtA HaV Ur bAd tImeS, tO EnJoy uR GoOd tImEs *~*
you are a very strong woman. I am jealous of your ability to open up to people, and I am proud that you feel comfortable enough to open up to me even though we've never met, or know each others names.
well, as for myself, I'm 17, and i started around the same time as you. I was depressed and had extremely low self-esteem. It started with starving myself, then i began cutting myself. I still have to wear pants all the time because there are scars all over my legs. but I'm happy to say I haven't done in almost a 8 months! but i couldn't keep up the starvation. i needed to eat, and when i started, i couldn't stop. the only thing i could think to do was throw it up again. i'll never forget the feeling of panic after that first binge. if i hadn't vomited, i think i might have clawed my skin off.
i'm not sure if i'm ready for recovery either. i'm really scared for tomorrow-it will be the first time in 2 years that i plan on intentionally trying to avoid vomiting. i really don't think i can do it. i'm going to try, but to be honest, i don't think my want to recover enough to overcome my need to purge.
and as for promiscuity, I totally understand you there. i have done some things i regret more than anything. yesterday, i had sex in a bathroom with a guy because he told me I looked skinny. i felt so dirty afterwards and i still feel disgusted for doing it. I feel like a whore. i am a whore. and it was all just because he said i looked "skinny." i was vulnerable and he made me feel attractive.
the feeling after doing that was what led me to join this site. it wasn't the first time i've done something like that, but i'm hoping it might be the last.
oops. posed that twice
aww you poor thing, to be honest we sound the same. Except i plan on recovering, i want to...meanwhile i say this with my itentions and plans for the night being cooking doughnuts, and i just know whats going to happen. Do you work or still go to school? Maby together we can start the day with an aim not to binge?? If we feel like we will, then come online and chat??... and mention some positives about not B/P which should help us?
Ofcourse unless your really want to recover your will wont be to strong, so you gotta think really hard if its what u want, and then decide if now is the time to do it!!
oxox BTW thanks for sharing those details- No judgment here, i dont look down on you, i look up 2 u for being yourself and being true...its hard, but well done for doing it!
~*~ U GoTtA HaV Ur bAd tImeS, tO EnJoy uR GoOd tImEs *~*
I think I am ready to recover. bulimia has been controlling me for too long now and it's time for me to past this. So far, I've gone all day without a b/p session, but I'm not sure if I'll make it through the rest of the day...
I'm still in high school. I have a job interning at a photography gallery. how about you?
I think that would be helpful to chat with someone who's going though this too about positives for recovery and tips to help.
And I just want to honestly thank you for listening. Though we have never met, I've never felt more comfortable opening myself up to anyone like this. You being here to talk to really means a lot to me
lost em all too.
i wouldnt want to put myself in eating situations and eventually when one of them commented on my appearance i just shut them out. when people would call me to hangout (right after a b/p) i would ignore them because i was so ashamed of how i felt i looked.
im still isolated, its been a couple solid months since i felt like i actually had support aside from my family (and they dont even know about this b/p business and i would like to keep it that way.)
not too long ago i went to a reunion party of sorts and i hardly spoke to anyone, i was just depressed as hell to be there because i still felt left out (my fault). i actually even overheard my friend's girl telling someone "...idk what happened, we were all good friends, then he lost a ton of weight, and now he doesnt talk to me anymore..."
the wonderful people on this site are my most personal forms of human contact and i am very grateful for all of them.
And time's not poison but once you drink it all you'll die
So lets just sip it real slow, yeah, we can nurse it all night
Try to believe that once its gone they will pour another round
and come back to life
i hear you. i'm only 17, but i feel that i've succeeded in alienating all my friends. i feel like i can't trust anyone, not even my family. i've never confided in a single person about my ED until yesterday when i joined this site and found people to talk to. i've never had more personal conversations, or felt more connected with anyone than on this site. thank you all for being so kind and helpful
I haven't really lost all my friends, but I know that my weird eating habits really bother them. During lunch I always pick at my food and I'm really picky about pretty much everything. I feel terrible about my weird eating, but it's so hard to stop. My friends always jokingly call me anorexic because of my eating habits. If only they knew....
I lost all of my friends.
Hi,
Hopefully you'll find some friends here. I am well on my way to recovery and am feeling better. I still do understand what you are going through and am happy to be a part of this site.
I am also up for making friends here :)
"If you are going through hell, keep going till you find the exit"
" Keep moving forward. Purging is the disorder, Binging is your body fixing it. Structured eating is the medication"
I feel you on that blondey. I'm a first year student and i didn't even make a single friend this year, in a new place and dont know how to talk to other people, its actually sad. I also failed a lot of courses cause i'd miss lectures for the sake of food.
I dont have good advice for you cause i'm also so lonely, it hurts to plan things alone, just be strong girl.
I've wondered if bulimics should be friends with other bulimics or is this destructive? Hmmm
The mirror does not see the person inside
ha! i have zero friends. the hubby is my only buddy :( hmm i lost all my "friends" when i moved to washington. i kinda knew that was going to happen but somehow i believe that im doin better w/o any f them. pfff
*Ng*
I sure did lose the ones I have, I'm surprised I managed to get together with my bf "mid-bulimia" and move in together and all. Of course he knows everything!
I so wish we all lived closer together and could help eachother fight, and be the friends that we need!
There are so many days when I wish I had a friend around, and yeah like you I end up baking the weekend mornings when I*m not at work, and then the b/p, pain, and tears begin... It's not life for a young woman in her prime!
FIGHTER
Find the courage to fight
Ignite the enthusiasm deep within you
Give 100% every day
Hold on to those who love you
Think positive
Endure the fear and doubt
Remember you're not alone
"STOP DIETING, START LIVING!"
Wow it seems strange to read about others who are struggling with the same things. Sometimes I kind of look around and think, wow, how did I get here? Where are my friends? When my boyfriend leaves town I feel so lost. I guess everyone is really pretty alone though, even with a lot of friends and family, people all have to cope with the process of living life and trying to figure out how to get through it without just breaking down. My plan is to do more of the things I love, like yoga and hiking and climbing, and I figure I'll meet people in the natural course of things, instead of worrying too much about meeting friends.