My mom doesn't care
Is anyone else's parents like this?
My mom and dad are super strict Asian parents..and my mom knows I'm bulimic, but she STILL tells me everyday that I'm fat and that I have to lose weight. She's even bought me diet pills without me even asking her to and she encourages me everytime I skip meals. She buys junk food for my brother and hides them from me. When I ask her if she hid the XX, she'll deny we have it in the house, but I'll find it later.
Also, when she founds out I purged, she'll obsessively rant and nag about how fat her daughter is :O. I HATE going shopping with her, because I can tell she just sits there and looks at my body critically. If I've moved up a jean size, she'll be all like "YOU used to be able to fit into a size 4! You're a size 6?" or "YOU NEED A BIGGER SIZE????"
she's always just like "JUST EAT NORMALLY" and calls me a "fat pig" especially when we're fighting. At the gym, when I don't feel like working out super hard, and I'm being lazy that day, she'll tell me to stop being a lazy ass and to pick up the pace
and my dad just completely chooses to ignore the problem entirely. Seriously, he's never brought it up and I KNOW he knows.. except for this one time at a family dinner, he was like "Susan, just eat, you can throw it up, right?"
like WTF don't they even care?
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OH. my god. beautiful, i feel so sorry for you. what an awful environment to be in!
Okay so what i think is this. As fucked up as this is, you need to accept that your parents are ASSHOLES, and period, thats it. Obvioudly this is how they are, and they probably wont change. Your mother probably has alot of insecurities andthus is making your life a living hell. BUt you know that now. You know how your mum is. SO now that you know exactly what a dragon she is, you can build up a strong armour. You know exactly how she is going to react, but if you react the same everytime, nothing will change. Next time she goes on about your weight, say "mother, shut up. I am not talking to you about this anymore. It's my life, find your own"
You'll eventually be able to move away from her. this will come eventually. youve just got to focus on being able to fight it off now so that when the time comes, you have the strength to move on.
Love and light,
katie xxx
wanna see whats shakin in the real world
That is so awful, I can't even picture it. Its so unfair to you and your recovery this is your LIFE the fact that they dont understand this is not ok. you should definitely try to talk to them seriously or at least...i dont know...get family therapy...i dk im so sorry you dont deserve this!!!
thanks so much you guys
it feels really good to vent because i just get so angry when my mom or dad doesn't understand my disorder
its not even funny how many times told my mom YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND or that the more she tells me to lose weight, the more destructive she is to my health. She doesn't, like, correlate the fact that i developed bulimia because i got obsessed with being skinny
sometimes though, when i talk to her, i can tell even though she says the stupidest things, its only because of her ignorance, and not because she doesn't love me. its helpful to talk to people that understand my life because they live it too (: you know?
no matter how many friends you tell or ppl you tell, they'll never REALLY what your going through...like my friends sometimes totally forget and say things like "omg i heard she's anorexic, how disgusting"
thanks you guys <3
love
I am sorry, thats so hard, my parents choose not to believe I was battling an ed, and my mother often thought I would be happier if I lost some more weight, and always told me you could lose a couple, even though in no way did I need to lose. I often feel like my family was judging my eating. I feel I need to be perfect at home. just remember you are beautiful and don't let anyone take that away from you, you are unique and have been placed on this earth for a reason:)Stay Strong and keep being brillant!
-Emi- love life, and be strong
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I'm sure it makes recovery even harder. It sounds as though your mum really does care about you, though, she just doesn't understand what she's doing to you. I think she probably believes that you would be happier skinny and will do anything to make it that way for you. I've got a little bit of a similar problem. About a year ago I lost a bit of weight (not in a healthy way) and was underweight. My mum couldn't stop telling me how beautiful and slim I was! Like she was so proud or something.
Mums can be so weird about our bodies. If they really knew what they were doing to us they'd stop straight away but because they're so used to doing it to themselves in their heads it seems normal.
"My mum couldn't stop telling me how beautiful and slim I was! Like she was so proud or something."
I know what you mean! Everytime she looks at me, she'll say stuff like how prettier my face would be if i lost 20 pounds and how i could fit into cuter shoes because if you drop like 20 pounds, your feet go down a size.
And when I was anorexic and would try to fast for a few days, she encouraged me not to eat and told me fasting is good for my health
??!
how old are you freemotion? i am just wondering if you will be old enough to move out soon. i can't imagine recovering in that environment. stay strong.
"To maintain hunger where food is available, as Western women are doing, is to submit to a life state as unnatural as anything with which the species has come up yet. It is more bizarre than cannibalism." -Naomi Wolf in The Beauty Myth
im 17 so i go off to college in about a year...i'm completely dependent on my parents financially so moving out is out of the question :/
i just wish she'd stop calling be a mental case...i asked her to stop calling me that and she repeated it just to taunt me
i've told her time and time again that it only destroys me
ksdjnflaksjdnf she's so fcuking retarded. when i b/p i don't bother washing the dishes because sometimes i need to clean up really fast. So she just told me i better buy a plate set and forks/knives because she thinks i throw away all of the dishes i eat off of
Your future will be what YOU make it. I cannot begin to imagine your life, but can only offer you words of hope.
Focus on all the things you will do when this is over-decorate a beautiful house, have an amazing career, etc. Riding the storm is the hardest part.
don't waste a day
If you can't do this now, do it when you get to college: see a therapist. Us on the internet can only do so much to help you (though we REALLY want to!) If you have a better relationship with your dad, ask him if you can make the appointment. It sucks that you're not 18 yet, but hang in there! Better times are always ahead! Whenever your mom gives you a hard time, remember how many more people there are that want to support you.
when my entire family ignored my problem and my husband refused to believe i had one, i turned to overeaters annonymous. its full of people who have different eating disorders. i go to once once a week just to vent and tell everyone how fucked up my life is. if you ever want help finding a good group i can give you hints for things to look for. good luck...
someone please help me through the day
thanks for your advice! im afraid i can't afford therapy or even free group help right now. I don't have a car/don't have my license yet! and my mom would refuse to drive me
good luck today! i've been doing much much better since I joined this website and started talking to others and getting advice (:
you can also do online meetings with overeaters annonymous. go to www.oa.org and take a look. its been useful over the years especially when i was afraid of going to actual meetings.
someone please help me through the day
I confronted my mom today: and said "You have to please stop calling me a mental case. Because even though I am, your words are destructive to my health"
and she said "I don't care about your eating disorder. This is not my problem, its yours. I am going to continue calling you a mental case until you stop your behavior"
haha its her pride, i know she cares about me. still, she has no license to say things like that
and she's my PARENT OMG
Wow, is she fucking retarded or what?
This is why I hate telling parents stuff because they usually just make things worst. I got this eating disorder partly because they were always teasing me about my weight. But when I got slimmer, they started feeding me more and more, as if they're trying to make me gain it all back. They buy all these bad foods like bread and pastries, but then they blame it on me when they find out I've resorted to chewing and spitting. They always make me eat their fatty, carb-laden shit even if I've already eaten my low-calorie prepared meals so that I end up eating a ton more and then gain weight afterwards.
I just can't wait to move out.
I think a lot of it has to do with culture. My grandmother used to tell me not to eat when i was a child, becuase she said, "if you keep on eating, you are going to be ugly, and no man will ever want to marry you." In her culture- it was much easier to have a man- because they provide. She was from MExico- and very poor as a child. I think that even though these words fucked with me as a child- she meant the best for me.
But- yah- living with programed parents must be tough.
Best of luck. I just read your entry and I really feel for you. I'm lucky to be surrounded by a supportive family, but I have friends for which this is certainly not the case. They both come from traditional Asian families, so -- at the risk of stereotyping -- I think this may be cultural in some aspects. One comes from a very conservative Korean family, and her mother sounds exactly like yours. She hides food from one of her children and freely gives it to the other, and always criticizes her daughter's body.
My advice to you would be to find others you can depend upon for support which you are clearly not getting at home. Find a close friend at school to confide in, maybe even ask if you can have meals at her house instead of your own from time to time. Above all, don't give in to anything your mother says. You are not a mental case at all, you are a beautiful young lady facing a very daunting disorder. Rejoice in yourself, and make sure your mother sees it too!
Quite! YOU are not a mental case so you certainly should not agree that you are! By the sound of it, it's your parents that are!
Actually i'm being harsh - they're surely just as much a product of their upbringing as anyone else. But that's still no excuse - there comes a time when people have to take responsibility for their own actions and live their lives the right way. And that's obviously what you're doing, Freemotion, which means you are one of the most sane and brave people i've ever seen.
Good luck and hang on tight. We're all here for you!
x
~Solidarity is strength~
Hi,
sorry its a bit late and you may have sorted it all out with your parents by now BUT i just wanted to let you know that your not the only one. I never started this to loose weight so its slightly different but I did it to gain control over one thing in my life. My mum could never come to terms with what I was doing and basically turned a blind eye. It made me feel even more pathetic and weak and worthless. The thing is I think although parents are absoloute dickheads, they sort of shut things out. For my mum I think that in some way she feels that by ignoring it then she didnt have to face the fact that I am harming myself.
I hope that helps .... just so you know your not the only one whose family aren't supportive.