Numbers, sizes, weight
It's reallly difficult for me to think and act healthy when people post weights and sizes and changes in exact numbers. This site, I feel, is supposed to avoid all that irrational nonesense. This is one of my only places I can get away and NOT think about weight in numbers and pants sizes, etc. I threw out my scale from the 3rd floor balcony for christ's sake, so i don't have to see a god forsaken number (thanks to inspiration from another member!).....it triggers me, and I'm sure it can trigger others.
I'd just really appreciate it if people would try to avoid posting such specifics.
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Try to break things up into a manageable size and proceed in steps concentrating on your achievements rather than what you have been unable to do.
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Hey, i think ive been doing this by accident, i guess it just comes naturally as people with ed's tend to let their lives revolve around numbers. Sorry if this has triggered you ill make sure to be more mindful of it in the future xox good luck
Numbers irritate me more than ever. Although my scale is still in my room, I avoid it and hide it deep inside my closet. It's a natural trigger to stress - more than I am already burdened with. But I definitely feel that having an ED naturally makes us think about numbers several times a day, every day.
Every doctor I've seen (many) for bulima has advised me not to weigh myself, pretty much ever. The people on this site represent a wide spectrum of physical characteristics, some general mention of those can be pertinent in a conversation, but definitely no numbers- it's distracting from what our focus should be.
Everyone should be encouraged to share their emotions and find support here. We should highlight our similarites, not break down body types!
I am completely obsessed with the number on the scale, so much so that I have weighed myself every day for the last 15 years. The number has only served to depress me, if I lose weight I need to lose more, if I haven't lost weight I beat myself up and feel terrible for the rest of the day. Since I began my recovering in January I have destroyed two scales with a hammer (yes really, it felt good!) and given two away to a charity shop (with a farewell note, again, yes really!). I will not be valued or judged by a number on the scale and I am determined never to weigh myself again - please join me and get rid of your scales, they only serve to trigger negative thoughts and aid your eating disorder. You are worth more than a number - start living, stop weighing!
i also find numbers like weights and sizes VERY triggering. i think many of us do. please don't post them.
"To maintain hunger where food is available, as Western women are doing, is to submit to a life state as unnatural as anything with which the species has come up yet. It is more bizarre than cannibalism." -Naomi Wolf in The Beauty Myth
I do try my best to inform all members not to post numbers, calories and weight on the site. It really does take ages to go through each post, blog and comment and delete such content but it has to be done.
PLEASE PLEASE all members do not post such content!!
Do not write about what you have eaten in your day or how much exercise you have taken, reading this can really interfere with the recovery progress of someone else. Think of others as you post and do not post any weight numbers or lbs gained/lost. Everyone is different, what can seem fine to you can really affect someone else.
Food and binge content should be private, use your own online food journal for this.
It's your recovery community, let's keep it at its highest quality!
Many thanks,
Ali
:)
Ali Kerr
Co Founder Bulimia Help
Recovery is possible!
I agree. I have made a commitment to give up my scales, but I must admit I have major fantasies or destroying my stepmom's scale. There is no purpose to it!
I am not starting intensive outpatient care and they are monitoring my weight....I told them my concern with gaining too much weight and they assured me they would let me know when it got to be unhealthy. Life is so much more liberating without the numbers! And you will find that eventually you will naturally know how much is enough without calculating it....
yes! that's what I'm hoping for: more structured eating and learning to eat and live normally around all kinds of food in the hopes that one day I can eat without thinking so uch about it, becoming a healthy intuiton
If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself. -- Barbara DeAngelis
it seems so ridiculous that this never occurred to me, but i think the first thing i need to do is get rid of my scale. i weigh myself everyday, at least 2-3 times a day, and that only reinforces my obsession. though seemingly small, i know this will be a huge step in my revory process.
i'm just tonight starting to get serious about recovery, i hope to help and be helped here :)
For me, NOT weighing myself causes anxiety and triggers a binge.
If I weigh myself (about once a week) I feel more in control of the situation. I will be much less likely to binge if I know my weight. If I've gained, I'm less likely to binge because I know I don't have any "wiggle room." If I'm where I want to be, I probably won't binge because I won't want to mess that up.
My bulimia got really bad, and I stopped weighing myself (I got down to doing it twice a month), and things got even worse! I think NOT knowing what I weighed and having to guess all the time what all the food could be doing to my body just freaked me out. Weighing myself assures me that my body has a "set point" and will stay in a predictable range.
Is anyone else like this?
when i dont weigh myself, i feel bad cos i assume i've gained weight, then i binge out of stress. but i find that if i weigh myself, not excessively, just once in the morning, then i am more in control, and even if i have gained, at least i know where i'm at so i can move forward.
but i definately agree numbers can be triggering and i agree to keep them off this site
hopefully one day i'll ge to the stage when i wont even need to weigh myself privately :)
stay strong guys
xx
Dare to not live in yesterday's shadow, there is always hope
On Monday I weighed myself at least 15 times, in between binges and purging. That was one of the worst days yet. If the number wasn't what I wanted to see I would go straight back to the loo and force up everything possible, and then straight back to the scales. It's Wednesday in NZ now, and I havn't touched the scales since Monday night. I thought that knowing my number helped me to control the b/p, it was a safety net so i knew I was ok ... I was lying to myself, I see now that it reinforced the problem, it was a trigger. I am constantly thinking about it, but I know that will trigger a purge. Not knowing what I weigh is freaking me out too, but I think I would rather be freaked out and worried about the unknown number than fighting every part of my body and intuition to stay below a number and killing myself in the proocess. I am focused on not being a number anymore, it's only day 2, but this is the best I have done for ages. i know the anexiety of not knowing what I weigh, trust me I'm struggling, but I am at the stage where I thought I was actually dying last week, and I can't do that to myself or my family anymore. The ED was killing me, so I need to force myself to do just 3 things now: eat, don't touch the scales, and enjoy every moment of my life. It's hard, but I have to make this work.
Sometimes it takes a real scare for us to truely realise there is a problem. It did for me. I lived with my parents so was limited when I could b/p, then they went on holiday for 2 weeks leaving me totally alone. Lets just say it was not a pretty week, by the end of it I was a wreck both mentally and physically. It was enough to make me seek help.
When I lived at home i would weigh myself at least 3 times per day and get really down if the numbers had gone up. Now I have moved in with my boyfriend I can't because he threw out his scales the day I moved in! The only time I weigh myself now is when I visit my parents (may once every few weeks). I've realised now that my weight is stable. Its a relief not to have the scales within reach, no tempation and therefore less stress. For me, living without scales is more stressful to start with but gets easier and in the end is well worth it. It was a step forward for me. Despite that I must be honset and say that I am still always careful about what I eat and exercise regularly for fear of gaining weight. As long as the problems are getting tackled one by one, eventually there will be none left.
Best of luck
it started out when i was 16, as a way to cope with an absent father and neglectful mother. whenever i felt unloved, or unwanted, or the blame for everything wrong in my life and theirs, i'd turn to bingeing and purging. whenever i struggled in school, i'd turn to it. it was my only solice. i have lost a lot of weight, 4 years later, it is still off. i struggle with bulimia everyday. after 2 years into it, i wanted to lose more weight and started focusing on that. last year, it got really bad... i abused pills, over exericized and was suicidal. the sad part is, the same year i started bingeing and purging, i became a Christian... searching for uncondiontal love. i've lost all that ever was me and lost my love for my beautiful Savior. i am on day 21 of self recovery. i want my life back. it's hard, so hard. i've lost many friends to this disease and my sisters don't like to talk about it because they don't want me to die. my mother makes JOKES about my eating disorder. that's been really, one of the hardest parts and triggers for me recently. she doesn't care. she's callous and heartless. i feel more sorry for her than i do myself. no one talks about it, ever... i am doing this alone, literally. but, i have my saviour, he's never, EVER LEFT ME! one day, i will be free. it's going to take a long time for me to be free from this disease, but i want my life back. i want to be 'normal'. i am loved by the One who matters most. i will be okay. one hour at a time...baby steps.
“Lend your voices only to sounds of freedom, no longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from. Fill your life with love and bravery and you shall live a life uncommon.” - Jewel
I can't believe anyone would makes jokes about something so serious, especially ur own mother that so awful. Do you have any friends you can turn to if ur sisters can't face it, it can be a lot for people to understand. Do you go to church? would ur priest perhaps be someone you could turn to for support and to talk things through with. I envy ur faith and the strenght u draw from it. I lost my mum to cancer at 6 yrs old and I guess since then I've never been able to full belive in God, how could he do that to me, how could he take my life and turn it upside down. I do believe there is something / someone out there but... i don't know thats perhaps a discussion for another time.
I hope u find someone to talk to, no one should have to fight this alone.
God does whatever needs to be done to anyone, no one is special in the equation; we are all lowest common denominators in the whole picture of life
If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself. -- Barbara DeAngelis
I'm not sure if this is true or will give perspective on your mother: My mother was the same way when I abused drugs and alcohol, she doesn't know of the bulimia. Anyways, I feel she did that because she doesn't know how to express herself in a losing way because she is afraid of being comfotable with my issues and accepting that her daughter is effed up.
Ive found the same situation true for many, that people, especially family, will ignore or denote their family member's mental issues because of fear of the mental illness, fear of themsevles maybe getting the mental illness, fear because of the stigma society has on mental illness, fear that their own flesh and blood having to be "defected"
I dont know who your mother is, but I thought Id throw out some of my experience of my own personally and working in a psychiatric unit.
If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself. -- Barbara DeAngelis
The best thing I ever did was get rid of my scale. I was sick of a number determining how I would feel for the rest of the day. It's really helped. xx
My counsellor suggested that I buy a set of scales so that I can record my weight at the same time each wek. If i weighed myself more than that tho i wrote it down and recorded my feelings etc. throughout the six months i saw her (in which I recovered significantly) I noticed that my wight fluctuated plus or minus about 3kg so if I saw I had put on weight I calmed myself, knowing that it would naturally go back down again it was actually an immense relief knowing that this would naturally happen and made a weight gain less of a trigger for me to hate myself and start b/p. I don't know if this would help everyone tho
I can't give up my scales. I'm losing weight (and I just bought a new set today, heehee, digital with a height program :) ), and I won't know.
Knowing my weight helps me combat binges by making me realise that I'll know tomorrow if I gain. However, when I'm recovered and thin, I might get rid of them and only weigh myself during check ups at the doctor.