Bulimia Help

Hi Lem0ny,

I definitely understand what you are talking about. I am exactly the same way. I like working out and eating healthy, normal meals. It is during random times or anxiety or loneliness that I choose to b/p - some times 3 times a week, sometimes just 1 a month. Either way, it has been going on for 2 and half years, as well. To be completely honest with you, I think that is why I read this website so often. I see that so many girls here have started out like you and I...and how it can change into a very serious, dangerous addiction.

This site, and reading girls' blogs, makes me NEED to stop. I never want to be in the situation where I'm b/ping every day or multiple times a day. I don't want to ruin my teeth or hair or spend all my money on food binges. I just joined this site a couple days ago but have been reading blogs for a while. I have not b/p in 10 days, and plan on never doing it again. Yes, there have been moments where I have way eaten too much, but I've read that once you can control the purging, you can control the binging.

I hope this site helps you as much as it is helping me. Nice to really relate to someone else.

Lauren

Also,

Definitely try out the food journal. I'm very consistent with it. I make an entry as soon as I'm close to a computer. Something about knowing you need to write down everything you eat and evaluating your hunger scale....

If your consistent with it, it should help. It has for me at least.

Good luck. Message me anytime!

Lauren

I know what you mean. I don't purge normal meals but I do feel guilty about eating them. I usually b/p once a day. This usually happens at night and when I am alone. I hate purging so much that if I am going to purge I am going to eat a lot of food. I also want to eat everything I can think of so that I feel like the purge is worth the time, effort, and money. Unfortunately it is never worth it in the end. I have been having more good days than bad days lately. I hate b/p so much! I want it to be over! I don't know if anything I said makes sense but just know that you are not alone.

HI! I was just reading this and remembered that that´s the same thing that I used to be years back. the thing is that after so many years (13+) everything seems to get out of control. it´s not how or when you do it. it´s really the "WHY". remember that you are not more or less sick with this ED depending on how or how many times you B/P but it´s why you do it.
most of us have a deeply rooted problem with our self esteems ( at least me and everyone esle I knew) and over the years this disease taken over my life. it´s like a snowball efect, it just gets bigger and bigger and will not stop until you realize how much you are hurting yourself... no matter if you do it once a week or 4 times a day. but do not underestimate the damage u are doing to yourself.
I usually find that I avoid confronting life and responsibilites when I have the urge to B/P. like I want to shut everything out and be left alone with my food. when I freak out about bloating ,have guilt after a normal meal, or am just afraid of becoming obese I know it´s really my worry about being accepted by others and my low self esteem.
as Lauren22 said up there this is "a very serious ,dangerous addiction"!

I actually did the same thing. I usually ate really healthy (although too little calories) meals. My problem was the binging. I just loved the numb feeling I got from eating; it was my way to escape reality.

I purged out of necessity; I literally couldn't move if I didn't. Even though I've been b/p free for almost 5 months, I still have some overeating issues so I guess I can't give you too much advice on that besides to make sure you are getting enough calories in your regular meals (seriously). The motivations for binging are deep-rooted emotional problems that you need to work out. I found a therapist and a boyfriend who were both undeniably helpful.

Best of luck. You're not alone.

Thank you for you comments/support, this is really helpful.

I totally get what you mean when you guys talk about escaping reality and being alone with the food -- that's exactly what I would do to. I am seing a therapist and have an awesome friend that supports me. I have to learn to deal with my emotions the right way, not try to escape from them.

The worst part is that when I b/p, just before I start binging, I actually think about it... because I know i shouldn't do it. But you know how it is... the urge is so strong that I kind of allow myself to listen to it, ALWAYS thinking that I would feel better after because I won't have to try to resist the urge anymore. Yeah... way to go!

I've been really good lately and I'm proud of myself, and yes, the_fix, I eat enough calories... because I know that undereating triggers the b/p episodes (for me at least). So that's it for now... thanks again :)

I just caught this entry. I am the same as you LemOny. I actually think about it before I b/p and even though I know it is wrong, something takes over my body. The, of course, I feel very stupid and guilty for doing so.
I am in recovery for over 2 weeks and feeling pretty good. Still so far to go though...
Entering food is great because it does two things for me: (1) makes me plan and pause AND (2) allows me to look back and say "hey, no wonder I felt like a b/p as I got busy and missed a meal or snack or my food intake did not get me enough protein".
I am also looking for other things that trigger me to go into my bulemia shell and journaling has helped with that.
I can not say enough that this website and other like you have really helped as well.

i don't mean to scare you, but thats how i started.

but that definatly does not mean thats how you will go, i didn't choose to get help, i didn't een know i needed help at that point, it was like, my new trick splurge out and stay same weight, i'd just binge at weekends or some evening but eat noramlly in the day,
then it all went wack and i just started throwing everything up, big meals, small meals, snacks, light meals,
i lost the plot completely, i could not stand having a crap of food staying down.

i'm so happy you are not strugglnig with this as it is a horrid nightmare, i am trying to get back on to eating healthy meal 3 times a day, but still struggle and have not yet managed a whole day.

keep up the good work on getting better and you will be free of this soon :)

i have yet to master the structered eating, and for you to be already to do that without thinking is great and your half way there . xxx

Yep I'm the same, can eat normally (just not enough) but then at the end of the day get the strongest urge to just keep eating. Of course it's way too strong to resist. I too can sense what's about about too happen and if I was stronger would b able to resist... During it's like a trance like state and then afterwards the self loathing begins. I've been battling this for a few years now but am still just at this once per week after a big binge.. Always feel guilty Bout eating though.

I just noticed that one of the girls said this is how it started for her. I have had an ED for 10 years now. First 2 years with anorexia and the last 8 years with bulimia. I have b/p most days the past 8 years unless I am in inpatient treatment. My b/p are always huge! I eat until I can not physically eat anything else and then purge. I eat normal during the day but am very restrictive on what and how much I eat. Then by night time when I am tired, emotional, and ravenous I give in to the urge. I actually think about whether I want to do it or not before I do it. I know right before I start that it is only a temporary fix but I want the urge to go away. I also like to not have to worry about what and how much I am eating. In the end though it is awful and I wonder every time why do I keep doing this to myself. Try not to compare what you do b/p wise to others. All of us do things a little different but we are all struggling and covering up for some deep rooted emotion. Keep working hard!

I came from the other direction, but it had the same result. I started out being anorexic (I purged, but just normal meals, not binging). As I lost more and more weight, my body revolted against me... After much time with the nutritionist, I have learned the pattern. I restrict, then get unbelievably hungry and crave starches, then I binge, and still purge. After I started binging and purging, I noticed I wasn't gaining weight, but I got to eat a lot! When I realized this I went to the bulimic side of the spectrum. I healthily realized that I don't want to be skin and bones, but I do need to be on the small side.

I love food and the comfort it gives me, but I also am obsessed about my weight, so the only solution is to binge then purge. I know this isn't true... I'm trying to change that, but I'm not sure how overcome the cravings and not purge. If I stop purging for a bit, I restrict, and the cycle starts all over again.

I definitely agree with the not trying to compare yourself to other. While it is healthy to talk to others so that you can relate, everyone is different! But we are all still sick.

Sometimes (most of the time) even a regular meal or snack just makes me feel guilty like I know I shouldn't have eaten it so it's just easy to go throw it up and be done with it.. cancel it out like it hasn't happened.. I've recently gotten better with my snacks and SMALL meals, but I still think about purging every single time.. I know I shouldn't, but I just can't help it.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who find the idea of eating something small then throwing up really weird. For me, overeating at a meal isn't the binge, it's the trigger. If I've eaten a massive meal and dessert and know I've had too much, I don't go to the bathroom; I go to the shop, buy about ten times as much food as I've already eaten, shovel it all down, THEN throw up. I can't purge unless I'm literally at bursting point. I find it so strange that so many people on here struggle with guilt after eating a sandwich or something. For me, eating a regular, full-fat, normal meal is a good thing. It's eating that, not feeling satisfied, and heading off to the supermarket to binge binge binge that's the problem.