relationships with people also suffering an ED/mental illness

dlib's picture
dlib
the best is the enemy of the good - Cheserton. need to start aiming for good!
User offline. Last seen 1 hour 20 min ago. Offline
Joined: 21 Jun 2009

I'm sure many of you have experienced this. I'm pretty sure that for me, it doesn't usually help =/

I'm forced to reassess at the momnet because of the following;
I have a boyfriend (2 week old relationship). There are a number of points about that that are adding to my stress.
- i - he struggles with some form of mood disorder (perhaps bipolar..?) and associated thoughts of suicide/self harm. I don't think he's actually going to top himself, but it's still concerning. He won't get help. He has little to no family/financial support.
- ii - he has very poor body image/mild eating disorder. stresses me out and brings my thoughts back to ED things.
- iii - relationships = less time & less sleep.

My eating's been getting a bit worse (I was fairly healthy) and it's definitely adding to my stress & anxiety. I'm considering being selfish and just ending it.

Any advice/general discussion appreciated.

Das Leben ist Bunt

caitlin1988's picture
caitlin1988
Sitting here thinking about this weekend.
User offline. Last seen 17 hours 58 min ago. Offline
Joined: 5 Nov 2009
This is what I think.

I will totally honest with you. My ex boyfriend had really bad emotional issues and body image. He did not cut himself, but was an avid exercisor. Eventually it led him to emotionally abuse me and make me lose weight. I did, but that is when my bulimia started. He still now is such a huge trigger for me, and we went out for three years! I suggest if you are feeling too anxious with him and he is bringing you back to those ways, to end it.

I know that sounds mean, but I went with someone who led me down that path and it still afffects me. I STILL (even though happily married) can hear him when I get dressed in the morning. I think, "Am I good enough for him? Do I meet my ex's standards?"

Make sure you listen to your heart and do what it tells you.

"Wow, look how beautiful I am."

kachina's picture
kachina
remember to remain hopeful even on your darkest day. It is only, always, and ever about love.
User offline. Last seen 3 days 20 hours ago. Offline
Joined: 7 Mar 2009
sounds like u need to get

sounds like u need to get healthy 2-give urself a chance, and follow ur instincts-only u know inside what u can do to be good to urself.

Miss H's picture
Miss H
tired.
User offline. Last seen 3 days 4 hours ago. Offline
Joined: 20 Sep 2009
this is a really really

this is a really really difficult one. does he accept that he has these problems? if so, then i wouldn't feel bad for giving him an ultimatum- he simply HAS to get help or the pressure on you could be too much.
you need to look after yourself. you need to be no.1 priority with recovery from this. you've done so amazing....
it's hard with relationships but it would be easier to finish it now rather than later perhaps!?!

dlib's picture
dlib
the best is the enemy of the good - Cheserton. need to start aiming for good!
User offline. Last seen 1 hour 20 min ago. Offline
Joined: 21 Jun 2009
Thanks =)

Thanks so much for your input guys. I think you are right. I do need to prioritize me.
Fortunately, he loves my body - there's no stress there. I'm sorry to hear your ex had such a major impact on you Caitlin. It all really revolves around the added stress and the licence his 'understanding' of the issues gives me to let myself remain down or anxious.

I think he'll understand, if I end it. Maybe he'll be happy that way. I tend to try to help people, but if they;re too close we both end up dragging each other down.

Fortunately we took things pretty slow. I'm going to miss him though!! And we live in a college hall together so I have to keep seeing him and a lot of people already know about the relationship.

I'm pretty tired right now, so I am going to wait until I am recovered...a couple more weeks I think. Then I'll have the stamina and mental capability to embark on constructing a good friendship. I don't know.

Thanks a bunch guys.

Das Leben ist Bunt

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