Bulimia Help

Should I tell him- if so- how do I tell him? Any thoughts are greatly appreciated. Namaste Celina

well i was going out with a guy who i really liked and i thought i could trust him so i subtley informed him that i was struggling with bulimia. i didnt think he would be too phased because his last girlfriend had serious drug issues. anyway he just went all quite after i told him, and he didnt contact me for a while. i finally confronted him and he dumped me over the phone in front of his friends. now this is just a personal situation and ur guy may be a sweetheart and totally understanding. However, in my experience with telling people, none of them really understand, and alot of them just freak out and back away which i think is really immature, but no one understands an ED like ours unless they've been through it themselves. So in conclusion it is tempting to tell him as it is always a relief to be able to confide in some one, but right now ur relationship seems to be in a good place so from personal experience DO NOT TELL HIM. When ever i tell a friend i always regret it because they give me a funny look when i say i need to go to the bathroom and they constantly say 'r u okay?' Anyway best of luck with the relationship and dont let ur bulimia come between u guys, it has fucked up things enough for everyone on this site. peace xox

I have been bulimic for almost 7 years now and over the course of my disorder I have been in 4 serious relationships (including current). I informed each of these men that I had an eating disorder and all of them were very supportive and did not want to break up with me because of it. However, the eating disorder did (and does) consume my life and it is extremely hard to be in a relationship at the same time. I do believe that in the end my ED caused too many other problems (irritability, isolation, mood swings, preoccupation w/ exercise or food, weird eating behaviors, depression...) and that is why the first 3 relationships failed. My current relationship is under enormous pressure and tension because of my eating disorder. I do hope things work out with your guy. I personally think you should tell him. If he is a good guy who truly cares about you then he will support you. If not, you're better off without him. I always feel more guilty when I know I'm lying to someone.

I think you should tell him. Eating disorders thrive in lies and the more you lie the more it will engrain itself in you. Its probably the hardest thing to do, especially since you never know how someone will react. But honestly, if he cares about you he would not associate your eating disorder as a characteristic of yours. It is completely seperate from your personality and its not who you are. Anyone worth keeping around will easily recognize that.

I think you should tell him, but don’t be too specific, you just have to tell him that you have an ED, that you are in recovery and you will be ok soon, and that for that you must have a structured eating and follow some basic rules. It will help you a lot, you will get all the support, but if you are very specific maybe he will start judging you and questioning. We don’t like that.

hey I know exactly what you're going through. I have been debating whether or not to tell my boyfriend also, the thing is no one knows, and because of that I have no clue how he would react (since I haven't seen anyone else close to me's reaction). Despite you feeling like you're a liar you also have to look at whether or not you can trust him. If he has a hard time accepting it, he may confide in other people, would you be ok with others knowing? I don't think I am yet... I think once I can say I've stopped B/P for awhile I would feel more comfortable rather than having to potentially answer questions and say that I did last night for example. So maybe wait a bit and then tell him?

I have just recently moved in with my boyfriend, some advice i can give is that if you are going to tell him try not to down play it as i did. I know its scary because the thought of all the questions that follow is too much to bear. I told him that i sometimes made myself sick when i was stressed and he seemed to be ok with that. I'm not underweight either so i think he was worried but thought i had it under control. As we know that at times of change or uncertainty the desire to keep control becomes stronger and stronger and the guilt we feel when we lose it starts the bp cycle all over again. The pressure of moving to another country and my huge desire to make the relationship work has caused me to slip back and i think my boyfriend has got a huge fright. I cant stand what i'm doing to him at a time when we should be happy and in love. Is so difficult because you'll need his love and support to get through it. I'll be honest with you. Every time he looks at me i feel like he's thinking about it. It is awful but i don't regret telling him and i don't think you will either.Good luck xxxxxx

I actually told him last night. I was relieved he didn't hate me for it. I didn't give him details but told him that i might go to in patient treatment because it is completly out of control. He said that it wouldn't hurt if i gained ten pounds and that I need to be strong in my mind- not really what I was looking for. He has no clue how terrible my behaviors are. I think I should just stop seeing him, cause I cant be with someone who thinks i just need to be stronger in my mind. He is too busy to support me in my recovery- so i guess it was good practice to come out of the closet- although i was quite potheitc when i told him- i could barely get it out.

If everything is going well with him, why not stay? although it might seem difficult at times, being with another and having that love and compassion will only help with recovery, despite how hard it might seem at times. we can never really expect them to understand, unless they've been there themselves, but he sounds like he is being somewhat sensitive to your feelings and it's sweet that he said you could gain another 10 pounds. I'm always so sensitive to how guys perceive me physically.

stay strong... he's a guy, they always have to stay strong, and that's probably how he sees everything in life.

The fact he said it wouldn't hurt to gain ten pounds sounds like he's a keeper. All I can say, men look for confidence. Just to let you know, looks fade. Are you honestly going to be saying this again when you hit 30?

There's a reason you're B/P so much. Here's a link
http://www.bulimiahelp.org/book/fat-myths

Being a consumer, don't you want an investment rather then a quick fix?

I don't mean to be blunt, but you're going to have to look at who Celina is not what Celina looks like.

I am pleased to hear that you boyfriend responded in such a positive way. From past experience, this is indeed a rarity. Why not be honest with him about how much his support would be appreciated? Hoensty isn't always the best policy, but in this case it could be.

Actually- i am with a new guy and I wouldn't dream of telling him. I honestly think he would hate me and be completely disgusted. I think he admires me because I appear to be so healthy- with the wheat grass growing in the kitchen, all the sprouts and organic food I eat, and all the exercise I engage in. He tells his friends that I am the healthiest person he knows. It really sux not being able to tell him, because support from him would help. If he only knew that every night after he leaves, I go straight to jack in the box, sonic, and so forth. Just some simple words from him, like- are you going to be OK tonight would make my night completely different. I wish so bad that I could tell him and that he wouldn't hate me or be disgusted- but I don't think he wants to hear anything of that sort. I think he would consider it drama and a personalty flaw. He would probably say something like- don't eat as much, or some stupid shit like that. I suppose I don't need feedback- but maybe just someone to listen and tell me that they care. Shane is five years younger then me, so I can't expect too much! lol

i would say dont tell him. You just met him and u dont have to tell him your whole life off the bat. I would say if he last a year tell him or until u trust him enough that u dont have to second guess yourself. I told my boyfriend when were 2gether for 2 years. I trusted him but i still found it hard to say it out loud.

I'm where you were with the last guy - around the 6 week mark and thinking of telling.
When we started going out I used him as an excuse to binge. We went for nice food and I didnt want to spoil things by fussing over what to eat so I, well, ate everything. This kicked off the ED big time again, along with giving the scales an unwelcome nudge upwards. Now he associates me with food and brings me treats when he sees me. This is nice but it DOES NOT HELP! I was thinking if I told him maybe he'd hold back with the sweeties and be a bit happier eating in, or not nudging me to have pudding when we eat out (I don't take much nudging. I cannot say no to restaurant puddings. I really just shouldn't go its a huge trigger for me)

Unfortunately he said to me the other day "You're the only girl I know who doesn't stress over food, it's so cool"....

Ahhahahaha...... yeh.....hmm.

I don't know what to do now.

I can kind of relate with your thoughts that having a bf while in recovery isn't such a good idea. I have been thinking about that a lot. I'm meant to be putting recovery first and it may be easier if I'm single...

I told my boyfriend about my ED, cause I couldn't stand all the lying that it brought with it. We were together for officially 3-4months when I told him, but we'd been best friends for about two years before we got together. I know I couldn't do it without his support, but I also know I wouldn't have just told anyone or any guy, I mean my family doesn't even know I still struggle with bulima. I'd say only tell him if you feel that trust and safety, otherwise you'll always be thinking if you screwed it up or whatever by telling.

Each situation is so different. I didn't tell my last b/f because I didn't feel comfortable talking about it. If I really thought a guy was 'the one' I would know he'd be supportive and tell him.
I think my recovery will be smoother without dating, because I need to focus on myself right now.
It seems like such a big part of who we are, that we feel like we have to tell, but the guy I just broke up with knew me very well without knowing about my ED. There's so much more to us than ED, so just remember that people love you for who you are, regardless of bulimia.

I told my boyfriend about two months after we'd been going out. I did it because I had made the decision that I needed to get better and that one thing that would help would be if I didn't have to go to restaurants at all. So i told him that i'd cook for him instead. and then i did healthy stuff like stir fry's and things like that. I realise now that before I started going out with him I never ate normally. I lived on soup. Never ate anything proper.
I've now been with him for nearly 6 years. He's been really good about it, but he doesn't really understand. He has told me that he'll never propose until I'm better. He's totally frustrated by this recent relapse.
I think it's sensible to wait until you're quite sure that he's going to hang around. then tell him.

Don't tell him. At least not yet. Wait till you get major serious. It took me 8 months to tell my boyfriend. And he still didn't react the way I thought he would, I guess you should just becareful. Six weeks is too soon to be makeing sutch a serious desition.