Bulimia Help

when i just think how much money im throwing down the toilet especially now when i dont have much of it i cringe!

also i do have to say having more people around the house helps, we have some guests staying who are in the house a lot and i simply cant do my 'usual rounds'.

I wont binge if i know i cannot purge afterwards, like if there is a house full or im out etc.. however sometimes in cases like these i will revert to laxatives !!

Also i agree with Dallash if im broke il tend not to binge cos i simpley cannot afford too!!

But sometimes it is just because i have no energy to purge afterwards so i simply wont binge !! xx

SORE NECK MUSCLES!!

Face puffiness -- so superficial, but true

If I don't binge then I feel pround of myself, like I've made a huge accomplishment. There is no better feeling. It means I'm really taking care of my body. I've just started on this site and done 3 guided eating sessions so far and I can't believe how much more relaxing eating has been. My rushed eating caused by anxiety is really much more apparent now that I'm slowing down and enjoying my food. Thanks so much to this site!!

1. It makes me want to purge, and purging has always led to sore throats, banged up hands, swollen cheeks and eyes...it just makes me look and feel absolutely awful.
2. I never have thought a binge was ever "worth it."
3. People in my house might think, "Hey, where did all those cookies go...?"
4. Binge-eating just triggers FUTURE binge-eating. It's best to get out of the habit.
5. It is a freakin' WASTE of money doing the whole drive-through hopping thing! I'd rather buy a great 15 dollar book than a 15 dollar meal I'm going to throw up and feel guilty over.
6. We should eat to give ourselves MORE energy. Instead of eat till we're past that point...and then when we become too full, we LOSE that energized feeling.
7. It's NOT worth worrying about counting calories for days and days afterward in order to try to make up for the binge.

There are a few different reasons that run through my head to prevent me from b/p, cause usually when I binge I already determined that I will have to purge also. My reasons are not so much to do with ascetics (except teeth):
1. My teeth, I have nice teeth! Well not as nice as before but still good! So if I am doing this bulimia bit to look good, then imagine if I went up to people in the stick-figure heroin-sheik body I had accrued in the past by bulimia then smile only to show an array of worn-out, warped teeth?
2. Bulimia zaps my muscles away! I love to snowboard, mtnbike, hike, etc. and bulimia tends to eat away at my muscles first, leaving me full of cellulite, and lacking in strength.
3. Bulimia makes my digestion really crummy, my body doesn't know how to deal with food if I leave it in there.
4. Slows down my metabolism, only to actually gain weight from bulimia, not lose.
5. Wake up with a bulimic hangover, feeling cruddy, which disables me from wanting to bea round people.
6. Isolates me from others, turns me into a bitchy monster.
BUT the number one reason that pops in my head is that after I binge "blissfully" I have to run to the bathroom, stick fingers down my throat, and murderously puncture my skin as I try to gag myself to death, losing breath, tearing up with blood shot eyes, praying praying praying the food will come out. And when it does come out, I am exhausted, tired, petrified to what I do to myself.
So everytime an urge comes on I remember that I'll want to go, actually I'll have to go to the bathroom and do that disgusting, painful dirty deed that robs me away from my soul.

It only leads to more depression, anger, and pain.

i dont want to binge at home because i dont want to upset my little sister anymore then i already have with this ed.

at uni, it makes me unsociable and unhappy, very unhappy! this year, i spent a long time alone b/p, and i look at pictures and realise i should have been in them...this year, i want to be.

Everyone has always told me my eyes are my best feature,so recently from the pressure of purging I think I burst a blood vessel in one eye and have a big red mark on my eyeball :( must say just seeing that in the mirror is motivation enough not to purge (which by the way I managed to overcome a serious urge to do today). I don't want to do this kind of harm to my body anymore.

Everyone has always told me my eyes are my best feature,so recently from the pressure of purging I think I burst a blood vessel in one eye and have a big red mark on my eyeball :( must say just seeing that in the mirror is motivation enough not to purge (which by the way I managed to overcome a serious urge to do today). I don't want to do this kind of harm to my body anymore.

Wanting to maintain a happy and healthy relationship with my boyfriend. In addition, I would like to have children in the future.

http://wp.me/pAhpO-5Y

Thanks for doing this!

im always afraid im going to choke or rupture my stomach and die scared and ashamed. and ill be found by my mother all blue with a full belly with my face in the toilet bowl. and people will find out about the sad and embarrassing way that i went. and make fun of the way i died. and call me vomit girl.

also, my eyes are getting redder and more bloodshot for longer and longer periods. i think im doing serious damage to them.

and im always afraid im going to have nasty teeth. they are fine for now, but my smile is my best feature.

and it ruins my entire day. i feel guilty and depressed until i put more time between success and my last b/p.

im always afraid im going to choke or rupture my stomach and die scared and ashamed. and ill be found by my mother all blue with a full belly with my face in the toilet bowl. and people will find out about the sad and embarrassing way that i went. and make fun of the way i died. and call me vomit girl.

also, my eyes are getting redder and more bloodshot for longer and longer periods. i think im doing serious damage to them.

and im always afraid im going to have nasty teeth. they are fine for now, but my smile is my best feature.

and it ruins my entire day. i feel guilty and depressed until i put more time between success and my last b/p.

I love my boyfriend. Lol, that sounds so lame, but it works:]

Puffy purples under my eyes, swollen glands, fatigue, puffy cheeks, water retention, bulimia hangovers.

These used to keep me once in a while- but now I'm just a full fledged self indulgent bulimic- completely lost in the cycle of unhappiness..

Binging usually means I'm going to try to restrict later, and that's very hard to do, especially when I purge. It's also hard because I love to go out with my brother and friend, and that usually involves a meal that I will have no calorie control over.

I don't want to feel hopeless and depressed like I do after a binge. I'm finally beginning to feel a slither of hope for my life and I don't want to ruin that.

I want my athletic body back.

I want to be able to run and run and run and feel like I'm flying again. So when the urge hits, I look at all the food that I'm edging towards and think - "do I want that in me as I run down the road?? Because I am NOT hurling before I fly."

I want to be happy and be able to live my life free from this...

purging is just such an unnatural, uncomfortable thing to do. Its like my body keeps trying to pull away from me because of the way I keep trying to abuse it and I keep dragging it back and beat it up until I have emptied myself of all that I had eaten. If my body could speak free of my bulimic mind, it would have such a scared and depressing story to tell.
The beginning of binges used to be all right for me because at that point I would somewhat taste the food. But then suddenly I would slip into a sort of trance and mechanically stuff my face with everything that I thought I was missing out on. When I was done, I would come back into real consciousness and see what I have done. Then walking around with all that food in my stomach and realising there is no way my body will digest all that comfortably just made me sick again. Feeling disgusted with myself I would want to purge.
I think keeping myself from purging time and time again just because it feels like I am being abused by bulimia reduced the size of my binges and eventually I WANTED to learn to listen to my body.
My body didnt deserve that kind of abuse. It was the diet mentality that started the problems and I didnt want my body to suffer because of it. I try to treat myself well now and listen to my body. It does know best what it wants to be healthy and fit.

remember if u purge u will gain weight !

i love my family!
sooo i really dont want to let them down
money!!!
what a waste
time!
think of all the other things i could be doing

binging, lightens your spirits for a moment,
and then after you hit a mayjor low...then you purge!
i want to get over it, i also need to prove to myself that i am not worthless.

Your body deserves better than that! Like everyone else said, it's a BIG waste of money and bad for your teeth/eyes/digestion. Sometimes thinking these things is enough to deter you :)

-Separation from God, family, and friends.
-Depression, hopelessness, feeling like a failure, out of control, etc.
-Financial problems-I spent $2,500 in 2 months on binge food.(October, November 2009) If I continue I am going to bankrupt.
-Swollen face, no energy, metabolism all screwed up, thinning hair, ruining teeth, digestion problems, etc.

Off the top of my head I thought of all of these reasons to not b/p. You would think this would be enough to not do it but I always give in to the urge to binge at the last minute to get that very brief moment of satisfaction. So stupid!
It is never worth it in the end.

not going to the hospital again for low potassium/electrolytes.

I hate looking back and remembering all the times I lifted my head up to face the mirror and told myself "never again", all the times I cried, begging myself to just love me the way I am. I want to enjoy the rest of my life and live without this, that goal is what keeps me going!

The thought of making myself infertile stops a b/p!!! (sometimes!!!) and the puffy face, walking past a mirror and catching a glance of the puffiness can stop it, especially if the mirrors on the way to the fridge!!!!

I want to pass my summer exams. I have eight subjects to revise for, and a lot of exams.
which means revising not spending time binging, focussing on food or being tired and sick from binging ...
It's still hard but I don't want to waste all the work I put in the past, and waste my ability (have only been bulimic six months, so trying to stop before it's too late. i have had anorexia nervosa for almost 3 years)

My best reason is, my boyfriend and my parents. Especially my mom... I hate to see how sad my problem makes them... And I love how proud they are of me, and how happy it makes them when I do well.

second is b/p-ing makes me feel like the biggest failure, loser, low life, fatty, disgusting person in the world... And I hate failing. In anythign in my life, I have to do it well, and succeed in what I set out to do. And bingeing or purgeing is definetely not a success.

Then of course there are the physical things, weight gain, slower metabolism, I already have a sensitive stomach (since I was a young teen) So it really messes that up, the chronic tiredness and fatiuge, lowered libido... I could go on and on... But yeah..
Summed up.. It's basically that b/p-ing steals my life away from me, not doing gives me my life back...

Binging NEVER makes any situation better... in the long run. ITS ONLY A DISTRACTION. I always try to remind myself how worse I feel AFTER a binge.

I know binging is a quick and easy fix to have "freedom" with food, forget about problems... whatever. But it always comes back to bite you in the end. No matter what.... a binge is NOT the solution. That's my biggest motivation.

And...If I'm honestly hungry, but want to binge. I try to reason with myself that there is no point to binge. If I'm hungry, it is okay to eat and I won't gain weight. So, why go through with a binge?!

1.It might not work for those who don't eat at all on the "good days" but my strategy is the following.

Whenever I feel that I've eaten too much, which would usually lead to bingeing ( cos I'm gonna purge it anyway) I usually tell myself:

"You're still better off with these 100-200 extra calories than ending up eating 1500 extra calories." (I usually eat around 2000-3000 during a binge and as far as I know you can only eliminate around half of the consumed calories by puking (in the case of laxatives it's practically nothing 10 % or so.)

2. I think of the day after. I would probably feel awful the next day. It did NEVER happen to me that I didn't regret having a b/p session. Is that table of chocolat worth the disgust and shame, and the whole "hangover" you have the next day - not.

3. I think of the weight I will put on. ( B/p ing ALWAYS makes me gain weight)

4. Nice clothes you can put on.

it increases the likelihood I'll fall into a full-on relapse.

waste

purging

other peaople finding out

ending up in a doctor's office with no life

the factthat it isnt worth it

i have to not, becuse purging wont help, i gain weight when i b/p
xx